LEARNING TO LOVE, LEARNING TO GROW

I wrote a piece about the young lady who told me her story and who fortunately or unfortunately reminded me of my own exodus and at this point of the mention of exodus, let me say “please I never reach the biblical exodus level, ei?”
Look, my dear, life’s full of ups and downs and seriously people do not care what happens to you, people would eat and sleep as they have always done and probably enjoy themselves even more in your distress; people may only be concerned with how you react to a situation you find yourself in, that is; if you act matured or childish or foolishly or wisely.
The point is my dear, “SO YOU FAILED? SO WHAT? So YOU FELL, SO WHAT? SO HE BROKE YOUR HEART? (You won’t be the last) SO SHE MESSED YOU UP (doesn’t mean do same to the next pretty face that comes along, LEARN TO GROW UP) and I KNOW it is not easy, not after giving it your ALL.
I understand perfectly the feeling, ANGER, PAIN, REGRETS, HEARTACHE, DEPRESSION, SLEEPLESSNESS, ANGUISH, those are low points in life and trust me your situation in a heartbreak situation is always better than someone else’s story, so let me be hard on you and on myself too because I have been there “Let’s Cut Ourselves Some Slack Please”, life can be short you know, spending half of it brooding over some dude or a woman who may have been right for you but was too blind to see good in you? Aside all the time we spend in our lifetime in traffic, in queues? My dear, time wouldn’t wait for you, so MOVE after brooding!
The purpose of this piece is to make you, you and you a REALIST period and am saying this for myself too, because I have been there and I can only say “Each tear is a lesson”.
Listen, we need to grow, and indeed when your heart is broken and during your nursing time, it’s a time to learn about yourself (how you react to situations, how to control your emotions, how you even relate to those who hurt you) it’s a time to review your own perceptions and perspectives of this life, it’s a time to learn to LOVE even after the HURT, IT’S A TIME TO RISE ABOVE the NEGETIVITY, THE PAIN, THE ANGUISH, you do not need to prove to anyone how fast you can rise(you may not have grown at all). This time is FOR YOU, to learn about yourself, to teach yourself and learn about emotions and reactions which you never thought were you or which have grown into something negative or positive, most importantly it is a time to determine WHO YOU WOULD RATHER BE; EMBITTERED OR ESTABLISH BREAKTHROUGH OR BE A REALIST AND LEARN TO GROW AND LEARN TO LOVE and in loving I mean YOURSELF, MYSELF and even the ones who hurt you.
Things happen my dear and u and I need to accept that fact, I agree it is difficult but then ask yourself “six feet down? Or seven feet up?” if you cannot appreciate the breath you have now to LEARN AND GROW AND LOVE BECAUSE LOVE IS TRULY ALL WE NEED AND THIS IS IN ALL THE CONTEXT YOU WANT TO IMAGINE; then well I guess you would stay an emotional retard and that’s just reality.
LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL AM SURE THAT YOU WOULD AGREE WITH THAT, BUT I BELIEVE SHOULDN’T BE SEEN THROUGH YOUR LOVERS EYE OR YOUR EX EYES, BECAUSE WHEN HE OR SHE BREAKS YOUR HEART, YOU WOULD BLIND YOURSELF TO HOW YOU SHOULD RATHER SEE LOVE, THROUGH YOURSELF, THROUGH YOUR PAIN AND HURT.
I cannot describe the feeling of FINDING YOURSELF AND LOVING YOURSELF ALL OVER AGAIN, I CANNOT EVEN DESCRIBE WHAT IT IS, OR HOW IT FEELS TO START TO LOVE AGAIN AND LEARNING AND TRYING TO FORGIVE YOURSELF AND THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE (because believe or not you still love him or her and that is why you still hurt).You Indirectly GROW AND GLOW, YOU Indirectly HEAL.
That time of heartbreak may come, but let’s not stay broken forever? NO!
CRY, LEARN AND RAISE ABOVE LIKE THE PHOENIX FROM THE ASHES AND LOVE, LOVE AGAIN, APPRECIATE WHO YOU ARE AND WHO YOU CAN BE AND IF THE CHANCE COMES FOR YOU TO FIGHT FOR YOUR LOVE AND THE RELATIONSHIP AGAIN, DO IT NOT JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BUT BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND BELIEVE IN LOVE TOO, AND CELEBRATE THE CHOICE TO SEE LOVE ONLY THROUGH YOUR OWN EYES AND YOUR POSITIVE LEARNING HEART, BECAUSE IN THE END IT IS ABOUT YOU OR THEN ASK YOURSELF WHERE WOULD YOU RATHER BE?
“SIX FEET DOWN OR SEVEN FEET UP”?

My name is LAURA AND I SHARE THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS ON THIS BLOG……

BROKEN HEART? BROKEN SPIRIT? OR BROKEN PRIDE?

What would you rather have?
BROKEN HEART? BROKEN SPIRIT? OR BROKEN PRIDE?

I must have been gone on my “get away leave” for long; I missed a lot didn’t I? But I equally have loads to share, my “get away” was perpetuated by the blankness of my mind maybe to process every emotion and thoughts into writing; the thoughts and emotions of the very special people I meet and listen to sometimes takes a toll on my processing faculty (don’t worry, am not going bonkers yet) my mind after sometime needs to catalog all these and decipher what I hear as opposed to how I would write about it and its effects on my emotions (yep, am human too)
I heard six relationship issues, one of each person in these relationships came to me to talk of course and for me to listen hmmm, amazing things happen in people’s relationships; picture the attraction, then the love, the pain, the confusion, the quarrels; endless and petty, then the break up.
Now, I have the permission of just one of the four individuals to share the story if I want to, but I’ll let it pass, I would rather tell you another true story that’s brought up this title, seriously through all the stories I heard, the question I asked myself was “is it just a broken heart or other issues too?”. I have been in love before and heartbroken too but am not under scrutiny just yet, maybe one of these days I would leave myself bare for you to scrutinize.
A lady met a young man whom she identified at a distance when they weren’t even acquaintances “always on the phone and not her type, the physique and face didn’t match the men who always came forward.” Now this was a beautiful pear shaped woman, with wit and glamour so I guess certain caliber of men got the courage to go forward even though I reckon “all kinds of men were attracted to her”.
Over time, this young woman and this young man became friends, so “Efia Nsoroma” as is her name had no time for unwitting men; in fact she had a thing for smart men and Edem was one, she found out as their friendship grew how caring he was too, all that was left was the omission of his “long advices” which got boring most times and his headstrong impression of himself as someone with a sense of humor, which was the opposite.
They did get close, she did battle with what she felt, she sometimes picked senseless quarrels with him, just so he would stay away, her frustration was that her quarrels were met always with kindness and love and that crippled her even more, her confusion? “I can’t be attracted to him? He’s so someway, he’s not my regular prince charming who get to sweep me off my feet, thing is He’s not even sweeping, am just falling and he hasn’t done anything!” and that scared the young lady.
There were days when he would just pop up in front of her house (and to her, what guts?), and when she fell ill, he wouldn’t leave her side but she still felt uncomfortable. Back and forth they both went until they had to admit it (you cannot keep fighting the inevitable).
Well in her own words, “the more she showered, the less he returned it and the less he returned, the worst she reacted”, the actions and inactions resulting in reactions went on for a long time, uncomfortable situations that totally disappointed Efia Nsoroma leaving her in confusion and regrets, Edem would not talk to her and that got her upset as he rather indulged other women in her presence and that “killed her”, she just didn't get it, "what happened to him? what did i do or not do? Even the agony with which narrated everything to me was as though, for her it was the previous day.
Finally the inevitable happened, THEY BROKEUP. By this time so much had happened, so much hurt and anger, pain, it was impossible to understand. For the lady, she always tried to make it work, but was met with a cold shoulder and she definitely reacted to that and as she said “I was even more confused and furious when after my reaction, he would come and tell me, he loves me! So why? Why the cold shoulder?( he never gave me coldness even as friends?).
By the time of the breakup Efia was broken, badly broken and her emotions terribly messed up, she was sleepless, angry, full of regrets, pain and the tears were tea for her or need I describe it for her as heroine because it was a daily affair, at dawn, in the morning, afternoon, evening; that has to be heroine or something and I got the impression it would take her so much to recover because even my long advice and comfort were all so academic to her but hey,I can understand that in that position, all the inspiration, comfort and all would be text book.
For the five hours I spent with her at her favorite beach spot and where I got to know later where and the breakup happened, three and half hours were used for crying and laughter (though I am confused if it was laughter at all) nothing I said, nothing I said helped so I had to just listen and these questions kept ringing in my head,a diagnosis process “BROKEN HEART, BROKEN PRIDE, BROKEN SPIRIT AND MUMBLED EMOTIONS”.
Broken heart yes, the man she loved walked out on her, Broken pride because she explained situations she had to play along with, women he would indulge in her presence with no apology and was never remorseful about but she had to just play matured and quite, Broken spirit because her will was drained in an attempt to salvage the relationship that she was seen helpless, now she felt she had no will spirit to heal. “I AM TIRED was like the chorus in her tears”.
We left the beach spot and for the first time, I felt drained, I recounted my own helplessness to Efia’s tears, I recounted her anguish and pain; this is a beautiful intelligent woman, glamorous indeed and a to die for figure, blessed but BROKEN and helpless, I noticed that knowing she was helpless even made her cry even more and I just didn’t know what to do, I was helpless too.
I couldn’t give up all the information she gave me, but this young man, hmmmm must be feeling good wherever he is at “his product”.
I have never seen so much tears, not even for the death of a loved one, I have never been that helpless to a fellow human, now I would have to admit she had her faults too but “what could leave her so mumbled? What could leave her so enraged?” WHAT?
As I recounted events, I saw a trickle of tear in my eye; I smiled to myself thinking how would we ever understand this thing called love?

How would we ever?
Then I went blank.
For almost a month, I have been blank trying to put together this piece, I needed to do this, so I guess, today, I’ll drink a bottle of martini.
The truth? It brought memories I had rather never revisit.
My name is LAURA and I share thoughts and emotions on this blog….

JAZZING THE NIGHT AWAY-BYWEL NIGHT

Here in the laughter amid cheers, here in the music and dance amid the drunkenness, I jazz away in my absent mind.
Here with people with a lot of cares and stress and here with those whose caution is subject to the whims and caprices only of the wind.
Here with those whose only comfort is the laughter and silliness of others, here with those oblivious of the drunks, oblivious of the merry made, of the silliness, of the alcohol, of the intoxicating atmosphere and its culprits who “puff” their lungs away in unison, here amidst everything and yet nothing; I jazz away in my absent mind.
We choose to fuse our own world with reality when it pleases us, we choose to be oblivious of reality in our circumstances and situations, other times our minds” state is only controlled by our strong emotions of nothingness, are our emotions stronger than our thoughts? Are our thoughts stronger than our emotions? Are our motives stronger than our conscience? Are we driven only by the physical and not the spiritual? or are we confused by both and turn away from our hearts beckon? Are we anesthetized by the bases of our creation? Or do we live our lives in pretence and abject hypocrisy of what should be? Or what has to be fought for?
In my minds’ eye, so far but yet seemingly near a “Frank Sinatra” song, jazzing and filling the atmosphere with pleasant blues; yet my mind swims in these stringing questions above and gets lost in this world of swimming and lurking emotions of nothingness.
The deeper the words of a song in its distance, the stronger the emotions it resurrects and the more music amid the drunkenness; the more foggy the cheers for me as I jazz away in this absent mind.
There is no word like tranquility in this state, there is nothing like calmness in this state, the jazzy beats only beat your emotions to the beat or leaves it in a merry state, the jazzy beat only makes you remember in agony or reminds you what was or what could have been and what isn’t, the jazzy beats only keeps you in tune with the forgotten and incites your memories to fondness or to sheer anguish. But nevertheless; I remain in this BYWEL world that’s constantly jazzing my absent mind away.
Whiles in my wondering world, whiles looking on as the alcohol engulfs one and its effect amuses another into tip-toe dancing and whiles others, other influences also find “creatures of night service”; suddenly I am reminded of my task ahead, of my victory ahead, of my quest, of my conquest of enemy territories and of my eminent troubles, then I awake from my wondering world, form my absent mind into the BYWEL world of jazz and bid my acquaintances for the night good-bye but to meet again only this time not in my absent mind but in total glee…..but in glee….but in glee.

My name is LAURA and I share emotions and thoughts on this blog….

EVERYDAY

From this time on, I hurriedly wait for sleep....
Everyday, I race through the people, oblivious of the car horns intruding,
the chitty chats gossiping, the annoying laughter, the mischevious giggles and peeps....
Everyday, I notice in my abscent mind; the people who make me cry, those who make me laugh,those who try so hard to please and the others who try to weave, weave the other emotions i can feel even a thousand miles away in their minds eye....
Everyday, I Pray; that this constant disease of mine would magically disappear and leave my soul to spare.
Everyday, I wish away these many trickles of rain runing me down.
Everyday, I see the walking ripples of my emotions move in haste,
Everyday, I pray that these mixed emotions would not leave me in cuts and tear,
Everyday, I race,
Everyday, I wish,
Everyday, I notice,
Everyday......hurriedly through these emotions; EVERYDAY.......

My name is LAURA and I write about emotions and thoughts on this BLOG.

I HAVE A DREAM

I HAVE A DREAM….
I have a dream, I have a dream; a dream about you and me, a dream full of possibilities, a dream about our strength and weaknesses, our smiles and tears, our pain and our gains, our failures and victories, our regrets and nostalgias, that our experiences; good and bad shall be remembered.
That whatever brought you and I to this point, shall be filled with no regrets, shall be filled with nostalgia reminiscent of the good things.
That after every phase of our mourning, or grieve, time becomes an ally, rather than a foe.
That our weaknesses are not made to override our strengths, that our opportunities are not missed by our threats and fears of the unknown, that we do not allow our fears to take over the minutest of opportunities to show our powerful measure.
I have had a dream; I have had this pregnant thought, of everything good and fancy, who wouldn’t want a life full of candy.
I have had this dream, that you and I would be a team, that you and I would live this conception of building all the “glossy” wonderful intentions.
I lived with this dream, though very short, I lived this dream and I still live this dream of what we once shared, a dream contained with “what if’s, what not’s and what could have been”.
I hear from far and near that “if wishes were horses, beggars would in fact FLY”, well I would say “IF TIME WERE A HUMAN BEING I WOULD BEG TO BE A FRIEND”….
But it is only in my dream that time becomes my friend, it is only in my dream that time is an ally, it is only in my dreams that time would go back to when it was all not a dream…..
I have a dream and I have a reality, I have a dream but my reality falls at its distance, my emotions float with sweetness in my dreams. And my reality, I wish away even in my dream; for it is only in my dream that time is an ally…..
You Inspired this FIIFI….
My name is LAURA and I share thoughts and emotions on this Blog…

UNREQUITED!

UNREQUITED! Heard the word before? Well I guess giving the dictionary meaning to the word would be boring and then again my blog is so not for classroom lessons but “street knowledge, common sense, and a place to share your emotions and your thoughts on how you feel, how you felt, and all the emotional hurdles and of course share your emotional experience, if you want an opinion; I would be glad to give or better still we would all be glad to give opinions, but anyway enough of that.
As I retorted earlier, Unrequited could basically mean “Unanswered, Unreturned” etc.
Imagine showing care and love, time and money, body and all to someone and getting nothing in return? Imagine even not getting a mere thank you for something you went at lengths to do for a friend, your mother or your dad or your siblings or even a stranger, you wonder why the person did not show appreciation obviously by saying thank you!
So imagine getting the same treatment with the Man you love or the Woman you love? Trust me, that’s a road that is painful of course because emotions are involved. It always gets twisted and painful when your emotions are involved. I have been there before and for a passionate person like me; the more I felt unappreciated for the little things I did, the little efforts I put into making the little moments my partner and I had moments to remember; the more I got bitter and the more I saw myself hating him.
But mine we would certainly talk about; remember the Romeo and Juliet story? What people have forgotten is that the story in the beginning actually talks about Romeo’s first love Roslyn, it further talks of the love from Roslyn being UNREQUITTED, and the effects which I would presume were drastic.
I guess Roslyn and Romeo’s issue has been forgotten often because it made no news right? The thing is that quite a lot of the unrequited issues in relationships never become an issue; maybe to the receiver it isn’t, because he\she would not appreciate it, it is only news to the giver but the pain sips slowly to the bowels of the soul, saliently waiting to pop up every now and then.
The little experience I have, had taught me that it is one thing not to be APPRECIATED; but its another Not to LOVE YOURSELF OR HAVE “SELF APPRECIATION”.
Now maybe the premise most people in love work with is that “if I do this, I’ll get this in return or more specific I would be loved more”. So what if you are not? Yeah; raise the eyebrow but it is typically in most cases. It is either we have high expectations, or we are of the belief that what we are doing would change something in the relationship or how the person feels about you.
Hallelujah to those who get that; but 99% DON’T!
My point is that whiles you day dream about the smiles and the “I love you” you would get or even the thank you, think also about what if I DON’T GET ANYTHING AT AL? OR WHAT IF THINGS DON’T GO THE WAY I HAVE PLANNED?
Many of us fear the eminent, whiles others the unknown, though generally it’s a case of fearing the unknown sometimes we also fear what our instincts feel or what our “third eye” sees and that is not the nicest feeling. A friend and loved one who indeed has inspired a lot of the experiences (good and bad) with whom I have had the most amazing relationship and have gone through my life’s most bitter experiences too; once told me that “this life is all about perspectives” and really our perspectives change the way we think, the way we relate to people etc maybe your experiences may change the way you think or behave but your foundation i.e. your perspective should be positive enough to transcend the other aspects of your life.
My point here people is that contrary to the saying that we are what we eat; we are more in a lot of ways what we think than what we eat.
Listen even in my young age it hasn’t been easy, I have had to learn the hard way when I thought I knew quite enough to move on and I have had to cry too many times for love or a broken heart or betrayal and yes I am human so when I get those moments of heartbreak, betrayal, disappointment I do cry, I cry so bad, I cry it all out and don’t stop the tears but after all that i clear my head, and pick up the pieces if it’s possible, if it’s not I find positivity and move.
Unrequited love or not being appreciated is hard, it’s a hard pill but don’t change your perspective of positivity, yes the moment it would be the horrible time of your life but after mourning not getting your love returned or being not appreciated especially from your loved one, YOU JUST HAVE TO MOVE ON.HARD AS IT IS, YOU HAVE TO MOVE…..
BECAUSE IF YOU ARE NOT DEAD AFTER EVERYTHING, THE BEST IS YET TO COME AND WORST WOULD ALSO COME.
My name is LAURA and I share emotions on this blog……..

A Woman's Self Worth

A Woman's Self Worth
I came across this write up on someone’s page on facebook and I thought: “THIS ONE FOR THE SISTERS”
By George Sebastian

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question:

'What kind of man are you looking for?'

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking,
'Do you really want to know?'

Reluctantly, he said, 'Yes.

She began to expound, '
As a woman in this day & age,
I am in a position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can't do for myself?

I pay my own bills.
I take care of my household without the help of any man...
or woman for that matter.

I am in the position to ask, 'What can you bring to the table?'

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought & stated, '
I am not referring to money.
I need something more.
I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life.

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain.

She said, 'I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation & mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man.

I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don't need a financial burden.

I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.

I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and game-playing are not my idea of a strong man.

I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God.

I need someone whom I can respect... In order to be submissive, I must respect him.

I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business.

I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.

And by the way, I am not looking for him...He will find me.
He will recognize himself in me.


He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me.
God made woman to be a help-mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself.

When she finished her spill, she looked at him.

He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, 'You are asking a lot.

She replied, "I'm worth a lot"

To all the Men In Our Lives, WE ARE WORTH ASKING FOR ALOT!


Thanks George…..