ARE YOU DEFINED BY YOUR PAIN?

EACH TEAR, EACH EXPERIENCE; GOOD OR BAD AND ITS LESSONS

In each tear
There ’s a lesson,
Makes you wiser than before
Makes you stronger than you know
In each tear
Brings you closer to your dreams
No mistake, no heartbreak
Can’t take away what your meant to be...
This is the chorus to the soul strong R&B singer: MARY J. BLIDGE
The content of the song serves a platform for flashbacks into all your experiences, those that made you cry and strikes a chord giving you the realization that you still have some healing to do, those experiences that broke your very core, those experiences that have left that indelible mark in your mind which eventually informs your resolve today and perhaps the future.
Seriously it got me thinking…. Between your experiences and your reflection on events is time, and trust you me; time can make or break you….most times; we create a bypass to our experiences especially the bad ones and then we live our lives parading a charade of emotions until One Day, just One Day, SOMETHING HAPPENS for us to realize that the HURT, the ANGER, the PAIN is still there…..
Letting Go is a difficult “road choice”, It’s so hard especially when the experience leaves you hurt, confused, cheated/taken for granted? The grudge leaves you broken your emotions just shuts it out as one of the many defensive mechanisms but suffice me to say LETTING GO may be hard to do but it saves us a lot of unwarranted pain in the future; the kind that pushes everything good you should love and welcome away and take this from me personally; you do not want to live your life with all that pain& anger because the destruction of yourself and the people you love? Is like you throwing a stone hard at the wall, it comes back hard to hit you…PICTURE THAT!
Well, let’s return to the song:
WE CAN’T CHANGE THE THINGS,
THAT WE DONE, THAT’S IN THE PAST.
BUT FIGHTING WON’T GET US ANYWHERE…..

I once read somewhere that History is not made from the past to the present but from the present to the past; so ask yourself what gain is in living in the present but fighting the past? What history do you make fighting someone or something which or who wasn’t important or strong enough to stay in your present? I LEAVE THAT TO YOU
Another part of the song says:
YOU'RE MUCH MORE THAN A STRUGGLE THAT YOU GO THROUGH
YOU'RE NOT DEFINED BY YOUR PAIN, SO LET IT GO...
YOU’RE NOT A VICTIM, YOU'RE MORE LIKE A WINNER
AND YOU’RE NOT IN DEFEAT, YOU'RE MORE LIKE A QUEEN …
Who says the things you go through are pertinent to just you? Who says you are the only one with a paper roll of problems? Whatever you think you are going through that’s too much; remember “IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE AND INDEED HEAR SOMEONES STORY THEN YOU’LL STOP DROWNING YOURSELF IN SELF PITY! YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY YOUR PAIN….
JUST GET THE SONG AND LISTEN TO IT CAREFULLY AND ASK YOURSELF; WHERE DO I STAND? WHERE AM I MAKING HISTORY? IN MY PAST? (Then tell me what that would be) OR IN MY PRESENT?
MY DEAR… IF there's no LESSON IN EACH TEAR and if the LESSONS don’t make YOU WISER AND STRONGER THAN BEFORE? THEN MY GUESS?
YOU ARE GOING TO BE CRYING FOR A LONG TIME….. PICTURE THAT!
To THE QUEEN OF R&B SOUL MARY J. BLIDGE; WE ONLY GROW STRONGER SO HELP US GOD!

ARE YOU DEFINED BY YOUR PAIN?

EACH TEAR, EACH EXPERIENCE; GOOD OR BAD AND ITS LESSONS

In each tear
There ’s a lesson,
Makes you wiser than before
Makes you stronger than you know
In each tear
Brings you closer to your dreams
No mistake, no heartbreak
Can take away what your meant to be...

This is the chorus to the soul strong R&B singer: MARY J. BLIDGE's "IN EACH TEAR"
The content of the song serves a platform for flashbacks into all your experiences, those that made you cry and struck a chord making you realize that you still have some healing to do, those experiences that broke your very core, those experiences that have left that indelible mark in your mind which eventually informs your resolve today and perhaps the future.
Seriously it got me thinking…. Between your experiences and your reflection on events is TIME, and trust you me; time can make or break you….most times; we create a bypass to our experiences especially the bad ones and then we live our lives parading a charade of emotions until One Day, just One Day, SOMETHING HAPPENS for us to realize that the HURT, the ANGER, the PAIN is still there…..
Letting Go is a difficult “road choice”, It’s so hard especially when the experience leaves you hurt, confused, cheated/taken for granted? The grudge leaves you broken and subsequently your emotions just shuts it out as one of the many defensive mechanisms but suffice me to say LETTING GO may be hard to do but it saves us a lot of unwarranted pain in the future; the kind that pushes everything good you should love and welcome away and take this from me personally; you do not want to live your life with all that pain& anger because the destruction of yourself and the people you love? Is like you throwing a stone hard at the wall, it comes back hard to hit you…PICTURE THAT!
Well, let’s return to the song:
WE CAN’T CHANGE THE THINGS,
THAT WE DONE, THAT’S IN THE PAST.
BUT FIGHTING WON’T GET US ANYWHERE…..

I once read somewhere that History is not made from the past to the present but from the present to the past; so ask yourself what gain is in living in the present but fighting the past? What history do you make fighting someone or something which or who wasn’t important or strong enough to stay in your present? I LEAVE THAT TO YOU to answer...
Another part of the song says:
YOU'RE MUCH MORE THAN A STRUGGLE THAT YOU GO THROUGH
YOU'RE NOT DEFINED BY YOUR PAIN, SO LET IT GO...
YOU’RE NOT A VICTIM, YOU'RE MORE LIKE A WINNER
AND YOU’RE NOT IN DEFEAT, YOU'RE MORE LIKE A QUEEN …
Who says the things you go through are pertinent to just you? Who says you are the only one with a paper roll of problems? Whatever you think you are going through that’s too much; remember “IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE AND INDEED HEAR SOMEONES STORY THEN YOU’LL STOP DROWNING YOURSELF IN SELF PITY! YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY YOUR PAIN….
JUST GET THE SONG AND LISTEN TO IT CAREFULLY AND ASK YOURSELF; WHERE DO I STAND? WHERE AM I MAKING HISTORY? IN MY PAST? (Then tell me what that would be) OR IN MY PRESENT?
MY DEAR… IF EACH TEAR there’s no EVERY LESSON and if the LESSONS don’t make YOU WISER AND STRONGER THAN BEFORE? THEN MY GUESS?
YOU ARE GOING TO BE CRYING FOR A LONG TIME….. PICTURE THAT!
To THE QUEEN OF R&B SOUL MARY J. BLIDGE; WE ONLY GROW STRONGER SO HELP US GOD!

WHAT IF...THE STORY TOLD IN YOUR OWN WORDS.

WHAT IF…THE STORY TOLD BY YOU…

What if ASAMOAH GYAN HAD NOT SPOILED THE PENALTY?

What if Suarez had not decided to play handball instead of football?

What if Ghana had not met Uruguay?

…what are your what if questions on the Blackstars RISE AND FALL?

CONTINUE THE QUESTIONS…....

WHAT IF?

WHEN U LOOSE IT

…WHEN I WAS GROWING UP MY MOTHER A DEVOUT CHRISTIAN ALWAYS SAID “SPARE THE ROD AND SPOIL THE CHILD” A QUOTE IN THE BIBLE THAT MADE HER DAY ANY TIME SHE WANTED TO CANE ME FOR A LITTLE TROUBLE.
WELL OVER TIME I NEVER REALLY CARED, ME BEING THAT “TOMBOYISH” CHARACTER I LOST IT! I LOST THE FEAR IN THE PAIN OF THE CANE OR THE PUNISHMENT FOR MY DISOBIDIENCE!
MY MOTHER’S WORDS THAT USED TO FRIGHTEN ME “I WILL BEAT YOU TILL YOU HAVE VISIBLE MARKS ON YOUR BODY” NEVER GOT TO ME AT THAT POINT! I LOST IT!
…BUT MY MOTHER OR MY TROUBLESOME ADVENTURES WHICH I WAS ALWAYS CAUGHT AT EVERYTIME ARE REALLY NOT PART OF THIS DISCUSSION!
IT IS ONLY THE PRELUDE (LET ME CHOOSE TO CALL IT)…..
BY NOW I BELIEVE YOU HAVE NOTICED A TREND IN MY WRITING!THOUGHTS!
MAYBE BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN IN THAT POSITION OF TRYING TO GIVE HELP TO OTHERS AND THEN BECOME LOUSY AT IT MYSELF BECAUSE NOBODY REALLY LISTENED TO MINE(IF I CHOOSE TO SHOW I HAD ANY).
FOR TODAY, NOW, MY THOUGHTS? WHEN YOU LOOSE IT?
WHEN YOU LOOSE WHAT? WHEN YOU LOOSE YOUR GRIP ON LOVE, WHEN YOU LOOSE TRUST, WHEN YOU LOOSE THE RESPECT FOR YOUR PARTNER OR YOUR PARTNER FOR YOU, WHEN YOU LOOSE YOUR GRIP OR YOUR GROUNDS ON YOUR PARTNER!
OVER HERE, IN OUR PART OF TOWN! ITS ABOUT THE GLORIFICATION OF VIRGINITY! NOW DO NOT GET ME WRONG I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH IT, THAT’S OUR CULTURE AND FOR SOME PARENTS THERE’S PRIDE TO HAVE THEIR DAUGHTERS GET MARRIED BEFORE “POPPING THEIR CHERRIES”…..
BUT THERE EQUALLY WOMEN WHO POP THEIR CHERRIES BEFORE GETTING MARRIED OR EVEN AT AN AGE SO YOUNG; FOR ME IT DOES NOT MAKE THEM ANY LESS HUMAN OR GLORIFIED OR BAD! THE PROBLEM IS IN THE SOCIETAL ORIENTATION OF SOME “SPOILED SPOT” WHEN THE WOMAN IS SAID TO HAVE “LOST HER VIRGINITY”.
WELL TO THE ISSUE AT HAND…. I LIVED IN ENGLAND BRIEFLY AND CASTING MY MIND TO BACK THEN I WAS LIKE AMAZED AT HOW MY FRIEND MET A GUY AT THE AIRPORT WHILES PICKING ME UP AND WITHIN TWO WEEKS OF TALKING; SHE COMES ONE DAWN FROM A NIGHT-OUT WITH THIS GUY AND PRESTO! SHE HAD THAT “GIDY-GIRLIE –SHAGGY” SMILE HUMMING AND GIGGLING AND I KNEW SHE HAD SLEPT WITH THE GUY AND THE GUY NEVER SAW THAT AS HER BEING CHEAP INFACT HE KEPT COMING AND COMING?I WAS BE-MUSED(if that’s the word). AND I MET HER FRIENDS OF DIFFERENT RACES: CAUCASIANS, PURE ENGLISH, FRENCH, NAME IT; THE LEVEL OF UNDERSTANDING OF ONES SEXUALITY AND MORE ESPECIALLY WITH THE MEN, I COULD NOT GET IT THAT SLEEPING WITH A WOMAN ON A FIRST DATE NEVER MEANT FOR THE MEN THAT THE WOMAN WAS “CHEAP”? WHICH IS QUITE DIFFERERNT IN MY PART OF TOWN!
NOW HOLD ON DON’T LET BOREDOM SET IN YET! I’LL STATE MY CASE. WHAT I LEARNT DURING MY “BRIEF EXILE” IN ENGLAND AND STINT IN THE UNITED STATES WAS THE LEVEL OF THINKING ESPECIALLY WITH THE MEN WHO NEVER THOUGHT ANY LESS OF A WOMAN WHO “GAVE IT AWAY” BEFORE MARRIAGE, ALTHOUGH THE PERCEPTION WAS DIFFERENT WHERE I CAME FROM, I LEARNT A LOT IN THAT SENSE.
NOW, WHERE I CAME FROM IT WAS QUITE PATHETIC, THE TEARS OF SOME LADIES I CAME ACROSS WHO AFTER SLEEPING WITH THEIR BOYFRIENDS SENSED CHANGE IN THEIR ATTITUDE TOWARDS THEM, NOW SOME OF THE GUYS WERE IN JUST FOR THE “CHOPS”, THAT’S DIFFERENT BUT THE INTERACTIONS I HAD WERE MORE OF THOSE IN A RELATIONSHIP.
ONE SUCH LADY TOLD HER STORY OF HER “PRINCE CHARMING” WHOM SHE HAD SO MUCH BELIEVE, RESPECT AND TRUST REPOSED IN HIM. IT WAS DIFFICULT FOR HER, SHE SAID; BEING HURT OVER AND OVER AGAIN.YOU KNOW FINDING A GOOD WOMAN AFTER SHE’S BEEN WITH BAD MEN WAS NOT EASY.AFTER MUCH CONSIDERATION SHE DECIDED THAT THIS YOUNG MAN WHO WAS BY HER SIDE IN HER WEAK MOMENTS DESRVED MORE THAN A HAND OF FRIENDSHIP AND SHE HAD GROWN TO LOVE HIM ANYWAY.
THEN SHE LOST IT! I MEAN THEN SHE SLEPT WITH HIM AND WEEKS LATER HER INSTINCTS OF ANOTHER WOMAN STARTED GROWING AND GROWING. THEN ONE DAY SHE FOUND A VIDEO OF ANOTHER WOMAN ON HIS BED CHATTING HEARTLY.SHE WAS SO DUMBFUNDED HER PANIC ONLY CAME HOURS LATER!
HER PRINCE CHARMING WHO SHE ALREADY HAD COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS WITH WAS NOT REMORSEFUL; TO HIM SHE SHOULDN’T HAVE FIGGITTED WITH THE PHONE IN THE FIRST PLACE AND RE-ITERATED THAT WHAT SHE SAW WAS IRRELEVANT. FOR HER, THE WHOLE THING STARTED AFTER SHE SLEPT WITH HIM!HE MADE HER FEEL SHE HAD GIVEN IT AWAY TOO SOON AND FELT SHE HAD LOST HER GRIP ON THE MAN SHE LOVED AFTER SLEEPING WITH HIM! NOW THAT WAS HER IMPRESSION REALLY AND I DON’T WANT TO JUDGE IF SHE WAS WRONG OR NOT.
BUT CUTTING THE LONG STORY SHORT, THINGS NEVER SEEMED RIGHT; SHE FELT THE RELATIONSHIP GROWING APART, SHE DESCRIBED THEIR DATES FROM THEN ON AS AN EFFORT FROM HER RATHER AND NOT HIM AND WHEN THEY WERE TOGETHER, IT WAS AS THOUGH THEY WERE FAR APART AND IT TORE HER APART BECAUSE REALLY THE SITUATION MADE HER PARANOID AND PASSING JUDGEMENTS WHICH I BELIEVE ALSO CREATED AN IMPRESSION(NEGETIVE) ON THE MAN……
WELL THE RELATIONSHIP IS STILL STRIVING.

FOR YOU MY REAADER AND FOR ME, THE QUESTION WOULD BE:

• WHEN DO WE SAY WE HAVE LOST IT ESPECIALLY IN A RELATIONSHIP?

• IS AFTER SLEEPING WITH OUR PARTNERS?

• DO YOU SPOIL ANYTHING AT ALL IF YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR PARTNER WHOM YOU AREN’T MARRIED TO?

• WHAT IS IT WITH THE GLORIFICATION OF VIRGINITY?

REPLY TO MY BLOG READER

I HAD AN INTRESTING CHAT ON THE INTERNET WITH AN AQUINTANCE, AFTER READING MY BLOG POST TITLED “DEAL WITH IT”!
I HAD RE-WRITTEN HER HURT! APPARENTLY, HER BOYFRIEND WROTE HER A SIMILAR LETTER! THOUGH HE WAS MORE APOLOGETIC, THE GUY WAS DUMPING HER PERIOD! AND THOUGH SHE’S ABOUT TO DATE SOMEONE ELSE NOW (she still hasn’t made up her mind) THERE WERE LITTLE THINGS THAT GOT HER PARANIOD AND AS SUCH THROW ISSUES OUT OF PROPORTION ESPECIALLY WITH THIS NEW GUY WHOS SHOWN INTREST IN DATING HER.
FOR HER, IT WASN’T EASY LETTING GO AND IT WASN’T AS THOUGH SHE DIDN’T KNOW IT WOULD BE FOR HER OWN GOOD, THING IS ALL ALONG SHE ACTUALLY THOUGHT SHE HAD.(DENIAL&SURVIVOR ATTITUDE).
SHE SAID MY COMMENTS AFTER THE LETTER WAS AS THOUGH I HAD NEVER BEEN BROKEN HEARTED; THEN I TOLD HER THIS STORY AFTER MINUTES OF BEING HESITANT.
I HAVE BEEN THERE BEFORE! BROKEN HEARTED? I HAVE! HAD HEARTBREAKS THAT HAD TO BE MENDED THE HARD WAY?(quite frankly for a carefully sculptured person like myself, I have had it coming in my growing years) AND THAT’S WHY I CAN TALK ABOUT EVEN WITH A LITTLE CYNISM! (OH BY THE WAY, I LOVE CYNICISM& IT’S MY WAY OF MOCKEREY)
MY STORY,
I FELL INLOVE WITH SOMEONE AND MUCH AS I TRIED TO FIGHT THE FEELING, IT JUST WON’T GO AWAY. WE WERE FRIENDS AND THERE WERE THOSE SUBTLE SIGNS THAT WOULD MAKE A GIRL GIGGLE KNOWING AND THEN WHEN WE COULDN’T KID OURSELVES ANYMORE….hmmm IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
THE BEAUTY WAS IN HOW OUR SPONTENUITY WAS NSYNC!
HOW WE OR EVEN I COULD BE UPSET ABOUT NOT RECEIVING LOVE CALLS AND YET EVERY ANGER JUST VANISHED WHEN WE MET! (Truth be told; I find it difficult getting angry with the people I care about).
WE WERE FRIENDS AND I WASN’T BOTHERED ABOUT THE OVER POSSESIVE MOMENTS WHICH GAVE WAY TO IRRATIONAL BEHAVIOUR AND SUBSEQUENTLY AN ARGUMENT OVER NOTHING REALLY (AND OH I DID MOST OF THE IRRATIONAL BEHAVIOUR BUT HIS WAS OF A MORE FEARFUL ECOUNTER WHEN HIS MADNESS TOOK OVER HIM) BUT WHEN WE MADE UP, WE WERE THE BEST OF FRIENDS!
TALKING SILLY ANYTIME WE GOT THE CHANCE, CHASING EACH OTHER IN THE COMPOUND BY THE ROAD SIDE, WE MADE USE OF EVERY SPACE WE GOT.
BEAUTIFUL HUH? WE WERE BOTH QUITE PRIVATE PEOPLE SO INTRODUCTIONS TO OUR FOLKS TOOK TIME (much to my disappointment).
THE POSSESIVENES NOW WASN’T AN ISSUE IN PASSING! BUT NOW IT HAD BECOME MORE SERIOUS AND I GOT REALLY UNHAPPY! TILL A TIME WHEN I COULDN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
THEN CAME THE LETTER WHICH FINALLY TORE THE WEAK STRAW I TRIED CLINGING ON TO HOPING THAT THINGS WOULD GET BETTER.
IMAGINE? HIM BREAKING UP WITH ME? WHEN HE WAS THE ONE WITH THE OBNOXIOUS CHARACTER.
TRUST ME; IT WAS MORE CYNICAL AND ENRAGING! SO YOU SEE, I HAVE HAD MY FIAR SHARE J OF “THE NONSENSE OF HEARTBREAKS AND CRYING SILLY FOR HOURS WHILES OTHERS ARE SLEEPING PROBABLY DREAMING OF CANAAN)
I LIVED MY LIFE ANGRY, EMBITTERED, AND BLAMING MYSELF AND AS A RESULT I GUESS I HURT EVERY NICK&TOM WHO CAME MY WAY WITH MY EXCESSIVE JELOUSY, SUSPICIONS AND PARANIOA. AND IF
AM GRATEFUL THAT I LET GO(hm please don’t ask me that when you see me; trust me it gets a little confusing sometimes if I have)BUT SEE WHAT IT TOOK ME? EVEN HURTING MYSELF IN THE PROCESS.IF EVENTUALLY I GAVE IN TO “SOME TOM OR DICK”I WAS MORE OF INSPECTOR BEDIAKO AND CSI AND EVEN CONFUSED AS TO WHETHER THE PERSON TRULY LOVED ME OR JUST LUSTED AFTER ME.
IT’S A HARD ROAD AND AN EMOTIONAL CHOICE WE ALL MAKE AND I HAVE HAD THE FAIR SHARE OF BREAKUPS AND GETTING IT WRONG AND MY DEEPEST REGRETS IS THAT PART OF ME I THINK, STILL LIVES THE HURT AND
I UNCONSCIOUSLY HURT ONE PERSON I LOVED DEARLY, TO BITS ACTUALLY BUT WELL THAT IS A CROSS I CARRY AND THAT IS SOMETHING I SOUGHT TO MAKE RIGHT EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE……
SO MY DEAR READER WHO WROTE TO ME, I CAN CHOOSE TO BE CYNIC. I HAVE BEEN THERE AND I AM LIVING IT…THE REST IS FOR YOU TO FIGURE OUT, LIFE IS BUT A STORY BEING TOLD AND A PROCESS…

I AM STILL LEARNING……

REPLY TO MY BLOG READER

I HAD AN INTRESTING CHAT ON THE INTERNET WITH AN AQUINTANCE, AFTER READING MY BLOG POST TITLED “DEAL WITH IT”!
I HAD RE-WRITTEN HER HURT! APPARENTLY, HER BOYFRIEND WROTE HER A SIMILAR LETTER! THOUGH HE WAS MORE APOLOGETIC, THE GUY WAS DUMPING HER PERIOD! AND THOUGH SHE’S ABOUT TO DATE SOMEONE ELSE NOW (she still hasn’t made up her mind) THERE WERE LITTLE THINGS THAT GOT HER PARANIOD AND AS SUCH THROW ISSUES OUT OF PROPORTION ESPECIALLY WITH THIS NEW GUY WHOS SHOWN INTREST IN DATING HER.
FOR HER, IT WASN’T EASY LETTING GO AND IT WASN’T AS THOUGH SHE DIDN’T KNOW IT WOULD BE FOR HER OWN GOOD, THING IS ALL ALONG SHE ACTUALLY THOUGHT SHE HAD.(DENIAL&SURVIVOR ATTITUDE).
SHE SAID MY COMMENTS AFTER THE LETTER WAS AS THOUGH I HAD NEVER BEEN BROKEN HEARTED; THEN I TOLD HER THIS STORY AFTER MINUTES OF BEING HESITANT.
I HAVE BEEN THERE BEFORE! BROKEN HEARTED? I HAVE! HAD HEARTBREAKS THAT HAD TO BE MENDED THE HARD WAY?(quite frankly for a carefully sculptured person like myself, I have had it coming in my growing years) AND THAT’S WHY I CAN TALK ABOUT EVEN WITH A LITTLE CYNISM! (OH BY THE WAY, I LOVE CYNICISM& IT’S MY WAY OF MOCKEREY)
MY STORY,
I FELL INLOVE WITH SOMEONE AND MUCH AS I TRIED TO FIGHT THE FEELING, IT JUST WON’T GO AWAY. WE WERE FRIENDS AND THERE WERE THOSE SUBTLE SIGNS THAT WOULD MAKE A GIRL GIGGLE KNOWING AND THEN WHEN WE COULDN’T KID OURSELVES ANYMORE….hmmm IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
THE BEAUTY WAS IN HOW OUR SPONTENUITY WAS NSYNC!
HOW WE OR EVEN I COULD BE UPSET ABOUT NOT RECEIVING LOVE CALLS AND YET EVERY ANGER JUST VANISHED WHEN WE MET! (Truth be told; I find it difficult getting angry with the people I care about).
WE WERE FRIENDS AND I WASN’T BOTHERED ABOUT THE OVER POSSESIVE MOMENTS WHICH GAVE WAY TO IRRATIONAL BEHAVIOUR AND SUBSEQUENTLY AN ARGUMENT OVER NOTHING REALLY (AND OH I DID MOST OF THE IRRATIONAL BEHAVIOUR BUT HIS WAS OF A MORE FEARFUL ECOUNTER WHEN HIS MADNESS TOOK OVER HIM) BUT WHEN WE MADE UP, WE WERE THE BEST OF FRIENDS!
TALKING SILLY ANYTIME WE GOT THE CHANCE, CHASING EACH OTHER IN THE COMPOUND BY THE ROAD SIDE, WE MADE USE OF EVERY SPACE WE GOT.
BEAUTIFUL HUH? WE WERE BOTH QUITE PRIVATE PEOPLE SO INTRODUCTIONS TO OUR FOLKS TOOK TIME (much to my disappointment).
THE POSSESIVENES NOW WASN’T AN ISSUE IN PASSING! BUT NOW IT HAD BECOME MORE SERIOUS AND I GOT REALLY UNHAPPY! TILL A TIME WHEN I COULDN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
THEN CAME THE LETTER WHICH FINALLY TORE THE WEAK STRAW I TRIED CLINGING ON TO HOPING THAT THINGS WOULD GET BETTER.
IMAGINE? HIM BREAKING UP WITH ME? WHEN HE WAS THE ONE WITH THE OBNOXIOUS CHARACTER.
TRUST ME; IT WAS MORE CYNICAL AND ENRAGING! SO YOU SEE, I HAVE HAD MY FIAR SHARE J OF “THE NONSENSE OF HEARTBREAKS AND CRYING SILLY FOR HOURS WHILES OTHERS ARE SLEEPING PROBABLY DREAMING OF CANAAN)
I LIVED MY LIFE ANGRY, EMBITTERED, AND BLAMING MYSELF AND AS A RESULT I GUESS I HURT EVERY NICK&TOM WHO CAME MY WAY WITH MY EXCESSIVE JELOUSY, SUSPICIONS AND PARANIOA. AND IF
AM GRATEFUL THAT I LET GO(hm please don’t ask me that when you see me; trust me it gets a little confusing sometimes if I have)BUT SEE WHAT IT TOOK ME? EVEN HURTING MYSELF IN THE PROCESS.IF EVENTUALLY I GAVE IN TO “SOME TOM OR DICK”I WAS MORE OF INSPECTOR BEDIAKO AND CSI AND EVEN CONFUSED AS TO WHETHER THE PERSON TRULY LOVED ME OR JUST LUSTED AFTER ME.
IT’S A HARD ROAD AND AN EMOTIONAL CHOICE WE ALL MAKE AND I HAVE HAD THE FAIR SHARE OF BREAKUPS AND GETTING IT WRONG AND MY DEEPEST REGRETS IS THAT PART OF ME I THINK, STILL LIVES THE HURT AND
I UNCONSCIOUSLY HURT ONE PERSON I LOVED DEARLY, TO BITS ACTUALLY BUT WELL THAT IS A CROSS I CARRY AND THAT IS SOMETHING I SOUGHT TO MAKE RIGHT EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE……
SO MY DEAR READER WHO WROTE TO ME, I CAN CHOOSE TO BE CYNIC. I HAVE BEEN THERE AND I AM LIVING IT…THE REST IS FOR YOU TO FIGURE OUT, LIFE IS BUT A STORY BEING TOLD AND A PROCESS…

I AM STILL LEARNING……