What would you rather have?
BROKEN HEART? BROKEN SPIRIT? OR BROKEN PRIDE?
I must have been gone on my “get away leave” for long; I missed a lot didn’t I? But I equally have loads to share, my “get away” was perpetuated by the blankness of my mind maybe to process every emotion and thoughts into writing; the thoughts and emotions of the very special people I meet and listen to sometimes takes a toll on my processing faculty (don’t worry, am not going bonkers yet) my mind after sometime needs to catalog all these and decipher what I hear as opposed to how I would write about it and its effects on my emotions (yep, am human too)
I heard six relationship issues, one of each person in these relationships came to me to talk of course and for me to listen hmmm, amazing things happen in people’s relationships; picture the attraction, then the love, the pain, the confusion, the quarrels; endless and petty, then the break up.
Now, I have the permission of just one of the four individuals to share the story if I want to, but I’ll let it pass, I would rather tell you another true story that’s brought up this title, seriously through all the stories I heard, the question I asked myself was “is it just a broken heart or other issues too?”. I have been in love before and heartbroken too but am not under scrutiny just yet, maybe one of these days I would leave myself bare for you to scrutinize.
A lady met a young man whom she identified at a distance when they weren’t even acquaintances “always on the phone and not her type, the physique and face didn’t match the men who always came forward.” Now this was a beautiful pear shaped woman, with wit and glamour so I guess certain caliber of men got the courage to go forward even though I reckon “all kinds of men were attracted to her”.
Over time, this young woman and this young man became friends, so “Efia Nsoroma” as is her name had no time for unwitting men; in fact she had a thing for smart men and Edem was one, she found out as their friendship grew how caring he was too, all that was left was the omission of his “long advices” which got boring most times and his headstrong impression of himself as someone with a sense of humor, which was the opposite.
They did get close, she did battle with what she felt, she sometimes picked senseless quarrels with him, just so he would stay away, her frustration was that her quarrels were met always with kindness and love and that crippled her even more, her confusion? “I can’t be attracted to him? He’s so someway, he’s not my regular prince charming who get to sweep me off my feet, thing is He’s not even sweeping, am just falling and he hasn’t done anything!” and that scared the young lady.
There were days when he would just pop up in front of her house (and to her, what guts?), and when she fell ill, he wouldn’t leave her side but she still felt uncomfortable. Back and forth they both went until they had to admit it (you cannot keep fighting the inevitable).
Well in her own words, “the more she showered, the less he returned it and the less he returned, the worst she reacted”, the actions and inactions resulting in reactions went on for a long time, uncomfortable situations that totally disappointed Efia Nsoroma leaving her in confusion and regrets, Edem would not talk to her and that got her upset as he rather indulged other women in her presence and that “killed her”, she just didn't get it, "what happened to him? what did i do or not do? Even the agony with which narrated everything to me was as though, for her it was the previous day.
Finally the inevitable happened, THEY BROKEUP. By this time so much had happened, so much hurt and anger, pain, it was impossible to understand. For the lady, she always tried to make it work, but was met with a cold shoulder and she definitely reacted to that and as she said “I was even more confused and furious when after my reaction, he would come and tell me, he loves me! So why? Why the cold shoulder?( he never gave me coldness even as friends?).
By the time of the breakup Efia was broken, badly broken and her emotions terribly messed up, she was sleepless, angry, full of regrets, pain and the tears were tea for her or need I describe it for her as heroine because it was a daily affair, at dawn, in the morning, afternoon, evening; that has to be heroine or something and I got the impression it would take her so much to recover because even my long advice and comfort were all so academic to her but hey,I can understand that in that position, all the inspiration, comfort and all would be text book.
For the five hours I spent with her at her favorite beach spot and where I got to know later where and the breakup happened, three and half hours were used for crying and laughter (though I am confused if it was laughter at all) nothing I said, nothing I said helped so I had to just listen and these questions kept ringing in my head,a diagnosis process “BROKEN HEART, BROKEN PRIDE, BROKEN SPIRIT AND MUMBLED EMOTIONS”.
Broken heart yes, the man she loved walked out on her, Broken pride because she explained situations she had to play along with, women he would indulge in her presence with no apology and was never remorseful about but she had to just play matured and quite, Broken spirit because her will was drained in an attempt to salvage the relationship that she was seen helpless, now she felt she had no will spirit to heal. “I AM TIRED was like the chorus in her tears”.
We left the beach spot and for the first time, I felt drained, I recounted my own helplessness to Efia’s tears, I recounted her anguish and pain; this is a beautiful intelligent woman, glamorous indeed and a to die for figure, blessed but BROKEN and helpless, I noticed that knowing she was helpless even made her cry even more and I just didn’t know what to do, I was helpless too.
I couldn’t give up all the information she gave me, but this young man, hmmmm must be feeling good wherever he is at “his product”.
I have never seen so much tears, not even for the death of a loved one, I have never been that helpless to a fellow human, now I would have to admit she had her faults too but “what could leave her so mumbled? What could leave her so enraged?” WHAT?
As I recounted events, I saw a trickle of tear in my eye; I smiled to myself thinking how would we ever understand this thing called love?
How would we ever?
Then I went blank.
For almost a month, I have been blank trying to put together this piece, I needed to do this, so I guess, today, I’ll drink a bottle of martini.
The truth? It brought memories I had rather never revisit.
My name is LAURA and I share thoughts and emotions on this blog….