LEARNING TO LOVE, LEARNING TO GROW

I wrote a piece about the young lady who told me her story and who fortunately or unfortunately reminded me of my own exodus and at this point of the mention of exodus, let me say “please I never reach the biblical exodus level, ei?”
Look, my dear, life’s full of ups and downs and seriously people do not care what happens to you, people would eat and sleep as they have always done and probably enjoy themselves even more in your distress; people may only be concerned with how you react to a situation you find yourself in, that is; if you act matured or childish or foolishly or wisely.
The point is my dear, “SO YOU FAILED? SO WHAT? So YOU FELL, SO WHAT? SO HE BROKE YOUR HEART? (You won’t be the last) SO SHE MESSED YOU UP (doesn’t mean do same to the next pretty face that comes along, LEARN TO GROW UP) and I KNOW it is not easy, not after giving it your ALL.
I understand perfectly the feeling, ANGER, PAIN, REGRETS, HEARTACHE, DEPRESSION, SLEEPLESSNESS, ANGUISH, those are low points in life and trust me your situation in a heartbreak situation is always better than someone else’s story, so let me be hard on you and on myself too because I have been there “Let’s Cut Ourselves Some Slack Please”, life can be short you know, spending half of it brooding over some dude or a woman who may have been right for you but was too blind to see good in you? Aside all the time we spend in our lifetime in traffic, in queues? My dear, time wouldn’t wait for you, so MOVE after brooding!
The purpose of this piece is to make you, you and you a REALIST period and am saying this for myself too, because I have been there and I can only say “Each tear is a lesson”.
Listen, we need to grow, and indeed when your heart is broken and during your nursing time, it’s a time to learn about yourself (how you react to situations, how to control your emotions, how you even relate to those who hurt you) it’s a time to review your own perceptions and perspectives of this life, it’s a time to learn to LOVE even after the HURT, IT’S A TIME TO RISE ABOVE the NEGETIVITY, THE PAIN, THE ANGUISH, you do not need to prove to anyone how fast you can rise(you may not have grown at all). This time is FOR YOU, to learn about yourself, to teach yourself and learn about emotions and reactions which you never thought were you or which have grown into something negative or positive, most importantly it is a time to determine WHO YOU WOULD RATHER BE; EMBITTERED OR ESTABLISH BREAKTHROUGH OR BE A REALIST AND LEARN TO GROW AND LEARN TO LOVE and in loving I mean YOURSELF, MYSELF and even the ones who hurt you.
Things happen my dear and u and I need to accept that fact, I agree it is difficult but then ask yourself “six feet down? Or seven feet up?” if you cannot appreciate the breath you have now to LEARN AND GROW AND LOVE BECAUSE LOVE IS TRULY ALL WE NEED AND THIS IS IN ALL THE CONTEXT YOU WANT TO IMAGINE; then well I guess you would stay an emotional retard and that’s just reality.
LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL AM SURE THAT YOU WOULD AGREE WITH THAT, BUT I BELIEVE SHOULDN’T BE SEEN THROUGH YOUR LOVERS EYE OR YOUR EX EYES, BECAUSE WHEN HE OR SHE BREAKS YOUR HEART, YOU WOULD BLIND YOURSELF TO HOW YOU SHOULD RATHER SEE LOVE, THROUGH YOURSELF, THROUGH YOUR PAIN AND HURT.
I cannot describe the feeling of FINDING YOURSELF AND LOVING YOURSELF ALL OVER AGAIN, I CANNOT EVEN DESCRIBE WHAT IT IS, OR HOW IT FEELS TO START TO LOVE AGAIN AND LEARNING AND TRYING TO FORGIVE YOURSELF AND THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE (because believe or not you still love him or her and that is why you still hurt).You Indirectly GROW AND GLOW, YOU Indirectly HEAL.
That time of heartbreak may come, but let’s not stay broken forever? NO!
CRY, LEARN AND RAISE ABOVE LIKE THE PHOENIX FROM THE ASHES AND LOVE, LOVE AGAIN, APPRECIATE WHO YOU ARE AND WHO YOU CAN BE AND IF THE CHANCE COMES FOR YOU TO FIGHT FOR YOUR LOVE AND THE RELATIONSHIP AGAIN, DO IT NOT JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BUT BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND BELIEVE IN LOVE TOO, AND CELEBRATE THE CHOICE TO SEE LOVE ONLY THROUGH YOUR OWN EYES AND YOUR POSITIVE LEARNING HEART, BECAUSE IN THE END IT IS ABOUT YOU OR THEN ASK YOURSELF WHERE WOULD YOU RATHER BE?
“SIX FEET DOWN OR SEVEN FEET UP”?

My name is LAURA AND I SHARE THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS ON THIS BLOG……

BROKEN HEART? BROKEN SPIRIT? OR BROKEN PRIDE?

What would you rather have?
BROKEN HEART? BROKEN SPIRIT? OR BROKEN PRIDE?

I must have been gone on my “get away leave” for long; I missed a lot didn’t I? But I equally have loads to share, my “get away” was perpetuated by the blankness of my mind maybe to process every emotion and thoughts into writing; the thoughts and emotions of the very special people I meet and listen to sometimes takes a toll on my processing faculty (don’t worry, am not going bonkers yet) my mind after sometime needs to catalog all these and decipher what I hear as opposed to how I would write about it and its effects on my emotions (yep, am human too)
I heard six relationship issues, one of each person in these relationships came to me to talk of course and for me to listen hmmm, amazing things happen in people’s relationships; picture the attraction, then the love, the pain, the confusion, the quarrels; endless and petty, then the break up.
Now, I have the permission of just one of the four individuals to share the story if I want to, but I’ll let it pass, I would rather tell you another true story that’s brought up this title, seriously through all the stories I heard, the question I asked myself was “is it just a broken heart or other issues too?”. I have been in love before and heartbroken too but am not under scrutiny just yet, maybe one of these days I would leave myself bare for you to scrutinize.
A lady met a young man whom she identified at a distance when they weren’t even acquaintances “always on the phone and not her type, the physique and face didn’t match the men who always came forward.” Now this was a beautiful pear shaped woman, with wit and glamour so I guess certain caliber of men got the courage to go forward even though I reckon “all kinds of men were attracted to her”.
Over time, this young woman and this young man became friends, so “Efia Nsoroma” as is her name had no time for unwitting men; in fact she had a thing for smart men and Edem was one, she found out as their friendship grew how caring he was too, all that was left was the omission of his “long advices” which got boring most times and his headstrong impression of himself as someone with a sense of humor, which was the opposite.
They did get close, she did battle with what she felt, she sometimes picked senseless quarrels with him, just so he would stay away, her frustration was that her quarrels were met always with kindness and love and that crippled her even more, her confusion? “I can’t be attracted to him? He’s so someway, he’s not my regular prince charming who get to sweep me off my feet, thing is He’s not even sweeping, am just falling and he hasn’t done anything!” and that scared the young lady.
There were days when he would just pop up in front of her house (and to her, what guts?), and when she fell ill, he wouldn’t leave her side but she still felt uncomfortable. Back and forth they both went until they had to admit it (you cannot keep fighting the inevitable).
Well in her own words, “the more she showered, the less he returned it and the less he returned, the worst she reacted”, the actions and inactions resulting in reactions went on for a long time, uncomfortable situations that totally disappointed Efia Nsoroma leaving her in confusion and regrets, Edem would not talk to her and that got her upset as he rather indulged other women in her presence and that “killed her”, she just didn't get it, "what happened to him? what did i do or not do? Even the agony with which narrated everything to me was as though, for her it was the previous day.
Finally the inevitable happened, THEY BROKEUP. By this time so much had happened, so much hurt and anger, pain, it was impossible to understand. For the lady, she always tried to make it work, but was met with a cold shoulder and she definitely reacted to that and as she said “I was even more confused and furious when after my reaction, he would come and tell me, he loves me! So why? Why the cold shoulder?( he never gave me coldness even as friends?).
By the time of the breakup Efia was broken, badly broken and her emotions terribly messed up, she was sleepless, angry, full of regrets, pain and the tears were tea for her or need I describe it for her as heroine because it was a daily affair, at dawn, in the morning, afternoon, evening; that has to be heroine or something and I got the impression it would take her so much to recover because even my long advice and comfort were all so academic to her but hey,I can understand that in that position, all the inspiration, comfort and all would be text book.
For the five hours I spent with her at her favorite beach spot and where I got to know later where and the breakup happened, three and half hours were used for crying and laughter (though I am confused if it was laughter at all) nothing I said, nothing I said helped so I had to just listen and these questions kept ringing in my head,a diagnosis process “BROKEN HEART, BROKEN PRIDE, BROKEN SPIRIT AND MUMBLED EMOTIONS”.
Broken heart yes, the man she loved walked out on her, Broken pride because she explained situations she had to play along with, women he would indulge in her presence with no apology and was never remorseful about but she had to just play matured and quite, Broken spirit because her will was drained in an attempt to salvage the relationship that she was seen helpless, now she felt she had no will spirit to heal. “I AM TIRED was like the chorus in her tears”.
We left the beach spot and for the first time, I felt drained, I recounted my own helplessness to Efia’s tears, I recounted her anguish and pain; this is a beautiful intelligent woman, glamorous indeed and a to die for figure, blessed but BROKEN and helpless, I noticed that knowing she was helpless even made her cry even more and I just didn’t know what to do, I was helpless too.
I couldn’t give up all the information she gave me, but this young man, hmmmm must be feeling good wherever he is at “his product”.
I have never seen so much tears, not even for the death of a loved one, I have never been that helpless to a fellow human, now I would have to admit she had her faults too but “what could leave her so mumbled? What could leave her so enraged?” WHAT?
As I recounted events, I saw a trickle of tear in my eye; I smiled to myself thinking how would we ever understand this thing called love?

How would we ever?
Then I went blank.
For almost a month, I have been blank trying to put together this piece, I needed to do this, so I guess, today, I’ll drink a bottle of martini.
The truth? It brought memories I had rather never revisit.
My name is LAURA and I share thoughts and emotions on this blog….

JAZZING THE NIGHT AWAY-BYWEL NIGHT

Here in the laughter amid cheers, here in the music and dance amid the drunkenness, I jazz away in my absent mind.
Here with people with a lot of cares and stress and here with those whose caution is subject to the whims and caprices only of the wind.
Here with those whose only comfort is the laughter and silliness of others, here with those oblivious of the drunks, oblivious of the merry made, of the silliness, of the alcohol, of the intoxicating atmosphere and its culprits who “puff” their lungs away in unison, here amidst everything and yet nothing; I jazz away in my absent mind.
We choose to fuse our own world with reality when it pleases us, we choose to be oblivious of reality in our circumstances and situations, other times our minds” state is only controlled by our strong emotions of nothingness, are our emotions stronger than our thoughts? Are our thoughts stronger than our emotions? Are our motives stronger than our conscience? Are we driven only by the physical and not the spiritual? or are we confused by both and turn away from our hearts beckon? Are we anesthetized by the bases of our creation? Or do we live our lives in pretence and abject hypocrisy of what should be? Or what has to be fought for?
In my minds’ eye, so far but yet seemingly near a “Frank Sinatra” song, jazzing and filling the atmosphere with pleasant blues; yet my mind swims in these stringing questions above and gets lost in this world of swimming and lurking emotions of nothingness.
The deeper the words of a song in its distance, the stronger the emotions it resurrects and the more music amid the drunkenness; the more foggy the cheers for me as I jazz away in this absent mind.
There is no word like tranquility in this state, there is nothing like calmness in this state, the jazzy beats only beat your emotions to the beat or leaves it in a merry state, the jazzy beat only makes you remember in agony or reminds you what was or what could have been and what isn’t, the jazzy beats only keeps you in tune with the forgotten and incites your memories to fondness or to sheer anguish. But nevertheless; I remain in this BYWEL world that’s constantly jazzing my absent mind away.
Whiles in my wondering world, whiles looking on as the alcohol engulfs one and its effect amuses another into tip-toe dancing and whiles others, other influences also find “creatures of night service”; suddenly I am reminded of my task ahead, of my victory ahead, of my quest, of my conquest of enemy territories and of my eminent troubles, then I awake from my wondering world, form my absent mind into the BYWEL world of jazz and bid my acquaintances for the night good-bye but to meet again only this time not in my absent mind but in total glee…..but in glee….but in glee.

My name is LAURA and I share emotions and thoughts on this blog….

EVERYDAY

From this time on, I hurriedly wait for sleep....
Everyday, I race through the people, oblivious of the car horns intruding,
the chitty chats gossiping, the annoying laughter, the mischevious giggles and peeps....
Everyday, I notice in my abscent mind; the people who make me cry, those who make me laugh,those who try so hard to please and the others who try to weave, weave the other emotions i can feel even a thousand miles away in their minds eye....
Everyday, I Pray; that this constant disease of mine would magically disappear and leave my soul to spare.
Everyday, I wish away these many trickles of rain runing me down.
Everyday, I see the walking ripples of my emotions move in haste,
Everyday, I pray that these mixed emotions would not leave me in cuts and tear,
Everyday, I race,
Everyday, I wish,
Everyday, I notice,
Everyday......hurriedly through these emotions; EVERYDAY.......

My name is LAURA and I write about emotions and thoughts on this BLOG.

I HAVE A DREAM

I HAVE A DREAM….
I have a dream, I have a dream; a dream about you and me, a dream full of possibilities, a dream about our strength and weaknesses, our smiles and tears, our pain and our gains, our failures and victories, our regrets and nostalgias, that our experiences; good and bad shall be remembered.
That whatever brought you and I to this point, shall be filled with no regrets, shall be filled with nostalgia reminiscent of the good things.
That after every phase of our mourning, or grieve, time becomes an ally, rather than a foe.
That our weaknesses are not made to override our strengths, that our opportunities are not missed by our threats and fears of the unknown, that we do not allow our fears to take over the minutest of opportunities to show our powerful measure.
I have had a dream; I have had this pregnant thought, of everything good and fancy, who wouldn’t want a life full of candy.
I have had this dream, that you and I would be a team, that you and I would live this conception of building all the “glossy” wonderful intentions.
I lived with this dream, though very short, I lived this dream and I still live this dream of what we once shared, a dream contained with “what if’s, what not’s and what could have been”.
I hear from far and near that “if wishes were horses, beggars would in fact FLY”, well I would say “IF TIME WERE A HUMAN BEING I WOULD BEG TO BE A FRIEND”….
But it is only in my dream that time becomes my friend, it is only in my dream that time is an ally, it is only in my dreams that time would go back to when it was all not a dream…..
I have a dream and I have a reality, I have a dream but my reality falls at its distance, my emotions float with sweetness in my dreams. And my reality, I wish away even in my dream; for it is only in my dream that time is an ally…..
You Inspired this FIIFI….
My name is LAURA and I share thoughts and emotions on this Blog…

UNREQUITED!

UNREQUITED! Heard the word before? Well I guess giving the dictionary meaning to the word would be boring and then again my blog is so not for classroom lessons but “street knowledge, common sense, and a place to share your emotions and your thoughts on how you feel, how you felt, and all the emotional hurdles and of course share your emotional experience, if you want an opinion; I would be glad to give or better still we would all be glad to give opinions, but anyway enough of that.
As I retorted earlier, Unrequited could basically mean “Unanswered, Unreturned” etc.
Imagine showing care and love, time and money, body and all to someone and getting nothing in return? Imagine even not getting a mere thank you for something you went at lengths to do for a friend, your mother or your dad or your siblings or even a stranger, you wonder why the person did not show appreciation obviously by saying thank you!
So imagine getting the same treatment with the Man you love or the Woman you love? Trust me, that’s a road that is painful of course because emotions are involved. It always gets twisted and painful when your emotions are involved. I have been there before and for a passionate person like me; the more I felt unappreciated for the little things I did, the little efforts I put into making the little moments my partner and I had moments to remember; the more I got bitter and the more I saw myself hating him.
But mine we would certainly talk about; remember the Romeo and Juliet story? What people have forgotten is that the story in the beginning actually talks about Romeo’s first love Roslyn, it further talks of the love from Roslyn being UNREQUITTED, and the effects which I would presume were drastic.
I guess Roslyn and Romeo’s issue has been forgotten often because it made no news right? The thing is that quite a lot of the unrequited issues in relationships never become an issue; maybe to the receiver it isn’t, because he\she would not appreciate it, it is only news to the giver but the pain sips slowly to the bowels of the soul, saliently waiting to pop up every now and then.
The little experience I have, had taught me that it is one thing not to be APPRECIATED; but its another Not to LOVE YOURSELF OR HAVE “SELF APPRECIATION”.
Now maybe the premise most people in love work with is that “if I do this, I’ll get this in return or more specific I would be loved more”. So what if you are not? Yeah; raise the eyebrow but it is typically in most cases. It is either we have high expectations, or we are of the belief that what we are doing would change something in the relationship or how the person feels about you.
Hallelujah to those who get that; but 99% DON’T!
My point is that whiles you day dream about the smiles and the “I love you” you would get or even the thank you, think also about what if I DON’T GET ANYTHING AT AL? OR WHAT IF THINGS DON’T GO THE WAY I HAVE PLANNED?
Many of us fear the eminent, whiles others the unknown, though generally it’s a case of fearing the unknown sometimes we also fear what our instincts feel or what our “third eye” sees and that is not the nicest feeling. A friend and loved one who indeed has inspired a lot of the experiences (good and bad) with whom I have had the most amazing relationship and have gone through my life’s most bitter experiences too; once told me that “this life is all about perspectives” and really our perspectives change the way we think, the way we relate to people etc maybe your experiences may change the way you think or behave but your foundation i.e. your perspective should be positive enough to transcend the other aspects of your life.
My point here people is that contrary to the saying that we are what we eat; we are more in a lot of ways what we think than what we eat.
Listen even in my young age it hasn’t been easy, I have had to learn the hard way when I thought I knew quite enough to move on and I have had to cry too many times for love or a broken heart or betrayal and yes I am human so when I get those moments of heartbreak, betrayal, disappointment I do cry, I cry so bad, I cry it all out and don’t stop the tears but after all that i clear my head, and pick up the pieces if it’s possible, if it’s not I find positivity and move.
Unrequited love or not being appreciated is hard, it’s a hard pill but don’t change your perspective of positivity, yes the moment it would be the horrible time of your life but after mourning not getting your love returned or being not appreciated especially from your loved one, YOU JUST HAVE TO MOVE ON.HARD AS IT IS, YOU HAVE TO MOVE…..
BECAUSE IF YOU ARE NOT DEAD AFTER EVERYTHING, THE BEST IS YET TO COME AND WORST WOULD ALSO COME.
My name is LAURA and I share emotions on this blog……..

A Woman's Self Worth

A Woman's Self Worth
I came across this write up on someone’s page on facebook and I thought: “THIS ONE FOR THE SISTERS”
By George Sebastian

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question:

'What kind of man are you looking for?'

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking,
'Do you really want to know?'

Reluctantly, he said, 'Yes.

She began to expound, '
As a woman in this day & age,
I am in a position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can't do for myself?

I pay my own bills.
I take care of my household without the help of any man...
or woman for that matter.

I am in the position to ask, 'What can you bring to the table?'

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought & stated, '
I am not referring to money.
I need something more.
I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life.

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain.

She said, 'I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation & mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man.

I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don't need a financial burden.

I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.

I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and game-playing are not my idea of a strong man.

I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God.

I need someone whom I can respect... In order to be submissive, I must respect him.

I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business.

I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.

And by the way, I am not looking for him...He will find me.
He will recognize himself in me.


He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me.
God made woman to be a help-mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself.

When she finished her spill, she looked at him.

He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, 'You are asking a lot.

She replied, "I'm worth a lot"

To all the Men In Our Lives, WE ARE WORTH ASKING FOR ALOT!


Thanks George…..

ARE YOU DEFINED BY YOUR PAIN?

EACH TEAR, EACH EXPERIENCE; GOOD OR BAD AND ITS LESSONS

In each tear
There ’s a lesson,
Makes you wiser than before
Makes you stronger than you know
In each tear
Brings you closer to your dreams
No mistake, no heartbreak
Can’t take away what your meant to be...
This is the chorus to the soul strong R&B singer: MARY J. BLIDGE
The content of the song serves a platform for flashbacks into all your experiences, those that made you cry and strikes a chord giving you the realization that you still have some healing to do, those experiences that broke your very core, those experiences that have left that indelible mark in your mind which eventually informs your resolve today and perhaps the future.
Seriously it got me thinking…. Between your experiences and your reflection on events is time, and trust you me; time can make or break you….most times; we create a bypass to our experiences especially the bad ones and then we live our lives parading a charade of emotions until One Day, just One Day, SOMETHING HAPPENS for us to realize that the HURT, the ANGER, the PAIN is still there…..
Letting Go is a difficult “road choice”, It’s so hard especially when the experience leaves you hurt, confused, cheated/taken for granted? The grudge leaves you broken your emotions just shuts it out as one of the many defensive mechanisms but suffice me to say LETTING GO may be hard to do but it saves us a lot of unwarranted pain in the future; the kind that pushes everything good you should love and welcome away and take this from me personally; you do not want to live your life with all that pain& anger because the destruction of yourself and the people you love? Is like you throwing a stone hard at the wall, it comes back hard to hit you…PICTURE THAT!
Well, let’s return to the song:
WE CAN’T CHANGE THE THINGS,
THAT WE DONE, THAT’S IN THE PAST.
BUT FIGHTING WON’T GET US ANYWHERE…..

I once read somewhere that History is not made from the past to the present but from the present to the past; so ask yourself what gain is in living in the present but fighting the past? What history do you make fighting someone or something which or who wasn’t important or strong enough to stay in your present? I LEAVE THAT TO YOU
Another part of the song says:
YOU'RE MUCH MORE THAN A STRUGGLE THAT YOU GO THROUGH
YOU'RE NOT DEFINED BY YOUR PAIN, SO LET IT GO...
YOU’RE NOT A VICTIM, YOU'RE MORE LIKE A WINNER
AND YOU’RE NOT IN DEFEAT, YOU'RE MORE LIKE A QUEEN …
Who says the things you go through are pertinent to just you? Who says you are the only one with a paper roll of problems? Whatever you think you are going through that’s too much; remember “IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE AND INDEED HEAR SOMEONES STORY THEN YOU’LL STOP DROWNING YOURSELF IN SELF PITY! YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY YOUR PAIN….
JUST GET THE SONG AND LISTEN TO IT CAREFULLY AND ASK YOURSELF; WHERE DO I STAND? WHERE AM I MAKING HISTORY? IN MY PAST? (Then tell me what that would be) OR IN MY PRESENT?
MY DEAR… IF there's no LESSON IN EACH TEAR and if the LESSONS don’t make YOU WISER AND STRONGER THAN BEFORE? THEN MY GUESS?
YOU ARE GOING TO BE CRYING FOR A LONG TIME….. PICTURE THAT!
To THE QUEEN OF R&B SOUL MARY J. BLIDGE; WE ONLY GROW STRONGER SO HELP US GOD!

ARE YOU DEFINED BY YOUR PAIN?

EACH TEAR, EACH EXPERIENCE; GOOD OR BAD AND ITS LESSONS

In each tear
There ’s a lesson,
Makes you wiser than before
Makes you stronger than you know
In each tear
Brings you closer to your dreams
No mistake, no heartbreak
Can take away what your meant to be...

This is the chorus to the soul strong R&B singer: MARY J. BLIDGE's "IN EACH TEAR"
The content of the song serves a platform for flashbacks into all your experiences, those that made you cry and struck a chord making you realize that you still have some healing to do, those experiences that broke your very core, those experiences that have left that indelible mark in your mind which eventually informs your resolve today and perhaps the future.
Seriously it got me thinking…. Between your experiences and your reflection on events is TIME, and trust you me; time can make or break you….most times; we create a bypass to our experiences especially the bad ones and then we live our lives parading a charade of emotions until One Day, just One Day, SOMETHING HAPPENS for us to realize that the HURT, the ANGER, the PAIN is still there…..
Letting Go is a difficult “road choice”, It’s so hard especially when the experience leaves you hurt, confused, cheated/taken for granted? The grudge leaves you broken and subsequently your emotions just shuts it out as one of the many defensive mechanisms but suffice me to say LETTING GO may be hard to do but it saves us a lot of unwarranted pain in the future; the kind that pushes everything good you should love and welcome away and take this from me personally; you do not want to live your life with all that pain& anger because the destruction of yourself and the people you love? Is like you throwing a stone hard at the wall, it comes back hard to hit you…PICTURE THAT!
Well, let’s return to the song:
WE CAN’T CHANGE THE THINGS,
THAT WE DONE, THAT’S IN THE PAST.
BUT FIGHTING WON’T GET US ANYWHERE…..

I once read somewhere that History is not made from the past to the present but from the present to the past; so ask yourself what gain is in living in the present but fighting the past? What history do you make fighting someone or something which or who wasn’t important or strong enough to stay in your present? I LEAVE THAT TO YOU to answer...
Another part of the song says:
YOU'RE MUCH MORE THAN A STRUGGLE THAT YOU GO THROUGH
YOU'RE NOT DEFINED BY YOUR PAIN, SO LET IT GO...
YOU’RE NOT A VICTIM, YOU'RE MORE LIKE A WINNER
AND YOU’RE NOT IN DEFEAT, YOU'RE MORE LIKE A QUEEN …
Who says the things you go through are pertinent to just you? Who says you are the only one with a paper roll of problems? Whatever you think you are going through that’s too much; remember “IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE AND INDEED HEAR SOMEONES STORY THEN YOU’LL STOP DROWNING YOURSELF IN SELF PITY! YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY YOUR PAIN….
JUST GET THE SONG AND LISTEN TO IT CAREFULLY AND ASK YOURSELF; WHERE DO I STAND? WHERE AM I MAKING HISTORY? IN MY PAST? (Then tell me what that would be) OR IN MY PRESENT?
MY DEAR… IF EACH TEAR there’s no EVERY LESSON and if the LESSONS don’t make YOU WISER AND STRONGER THAN BEFORE? THEN MY GUESS?
YOU ARE GOING TO BE CRYING FOR A LONG TIME….. PICTURE THAT!
To THE QUEEN OF R&B SOUL MARY J. BLIDGE; WE ONLY GROW STRONGER SO HELP US GOD!

WHAT IF...THE STORY TOLD IN YOUR OWN WORDS.

WHAT IF…THE STORY TOLD BY YOU…

What if ASAMOAH GYAN HAD NOT SPOILED THE PENALTY?

What if Suarez had not decided to play handball instead of football?

What if Ghana had not met Uruguay?

…what are your what if questions on the Blackstars RISE AND FALL?

CONTINUE THE QUESTIONS…....

WHAT IF?

WHEN U LOOSE IT

…WHEN I WAS GROWING UP MY MOTHER A DEVOUT CHRISTIAN ALWAYS SAID “SPARE THE ROD AND SPOIL THE CHILD” A QUOTE IN THE BIBLE THAT MADE HER DAY ANY TIME SHE WANTED TO CANE ME FOR A LITTLE TROUBLE.
WELL OVER TIME I NEVER REALLY CARED, ME BEING THAT “TOMBOYISH” CHARACTER I LOST IT! I LOST THE FEAR IN THE PAIN OF THE CANE OR THE PUNISHMENT FOR MY DISOBIDIENCE!
MY MOTHER’S WORDS THAT USED TO FRIGHTEN ME “I WILL BEAT YOU TILL YOU HAVE VISIBLE MARKS ON YOUR BODY” NEVER GOT TO ME AT THAT POINT! I LOST IT!
…BUT MY MOTHER OR MY TROUBLESOME ADVENTURES WHICH I WAS ALWAYS CAUGHT AT EVERYTIME ARE REALLY NOT PART OF THIS DISCUSSION!
IT IS ONLY THE PRELUDE (LET ME CHOOSE TO CALL IT)…..
BY NOW I BELIEVE YOU HAVE NOTICED A TREND IN MY WRITING!THOUGHTS!
MAYBE BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN IN THAT POSITION OF TRYING TO GIVE HELP TO OTHERS AND THEN BECOME LOUSY AT IT MYSELF BECAUSE NOBODY REALLY LISTENED TO MINE(IF I CHOOSE TO SHOW I HAD ANY).
FOR TODAY, NOW, MY THOUGHTS? WHEN YOU LOOSE IT?
WHEN YOU LOOSE WHAT? WHEN YOU LOOSE YOUR GRIP ON LOVE, WHEN YOU LOOSE TRUST, WHEN YOU LOOSE THE RESPECT FOR YOUR PARTNER OR YOUR PARTNER FOR YOU, WHEN YOU LOOSE YOUR GRIP OR YOUR GROUNDS ON YOUR PARTNER!
OVER HERE, IN OUR PART OF TOWN! ITS ABOUT THE GLORIFICATION OF VIRGINITY! NOW DO NOT GET ME WRONG I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH IT, THAT’S OUR CULTURE AND FOR SOME PARENTS THERE’S PRIDE TO HAVE THEIR DAUGHTERS GET MARRIED BEFORE “POPPING THEIR CHERRIES”…..
BUT THERE EQUALLY WOMEN WHO POP THEIR CHERRIES BEFORE GETTING MARRIED OR EVEN AT AN AGE SO YOUNG; FOR ME IT DOES NOT MAKE THEM ANY LESS HUMAN OR GLORIFIED OR BAD! THE PROBLEM IS IN THE SOCIETAL ORIENTATION OF SOME “SPOILED SPOT” WHEN THE WOMAN IS SAID TO HAVE “LOST HER VIRGINITY”.
WELL TO THE ISSUE AT HAND…. I LIVED IN ENGLAND BRIEFLY AND CASTING MY MIND TO BACK THEN I WAS LIKE AMAZED AT HOW MY FRIEND MET A GUY AT THE AIRPORT WHILES PICKING ME UP AND WITHIN TWO WEEKS OF TALKING; SHE COMES ONE DAWN FROM A NIGHT-OUT WITH THIS GUY AND PRESTO! SHE HAD THAT “GIDY-GIRLIE –SHAGGY” SMILE HUMMING AND GIGGLING AND I KNEW SHE HAD SLEPT WITH THE GUY AND THE GUY NEVER SAW THAT AS HER BEING CHEAP INFACT HE KEPT COMING AND COMING?I WAS BE-MUSED(if that’s the word). AND I MET HER FRIENDS OF DIFFERENT RACES: CAUCASIANS, PURE ENGLISH, FRENCH, NAME IT; THE LEVEL OF UNDERSTANDING OF ONES SEXUALITY AND MORE ESPECIALLY WITH THE MEN, I COULD NOT GET IT THAT SLEEPING WITH A WOMAN ON A FIRST DATE NEVER MEANT FOR THE MEN THAT THE WOMAN WAS “CHEAP”? WHICH IS QUITE DIFFERERNT IN MY PART OF TOWN!
NOW HOLD ON DON’T LET BOREDOM SET IN YET! I’LL STATE MY CASE. WHAT I LEARNT DURING MY “BRIEF EXILE” IN ENGLAND AND STINT IN THE UNITED STATES WAS THE LEVEL OF THINKING ESPECIALLY WITH THE MEN WHO NEVER THOUGHT ANY LESS OF A WOMAN WHO “GAVE IT AWAY” BEFORE MARRIAGE, ALTHOUGH THE PERCEPTION WAS DIFFERENT WHERE I CAME FROM, I LEARNT A LOT IN THAT SENSE.
NOW, WHERE I CAME FROM IT WAS QUITE PATHETIC, THE TEARS OF SOME LADIES I CAME ACROSS WHO AFTER SLEEPING WITH THEIR BOYFRIENDS SENSED CHANGE IN THEIR ATTITUDE TOWARDS THEM, NOW SOME OF THE GUYS WERE IN JUST FOR THE “CHOPS”, THAT’S DIFFERENT BUT THE INTERACTIONS I HAD WERE MORE OF THOSE IN A RELATIONSHIP.
ONE SUCH LADY TOLD HER STORY OF HER “PRINCE CHARMING” WHOM SHE HAD SO MUCH BELIEVE, RESPECT AND TRUST REPOSED IN HIM. IT WAS DIFFICULT FOR HER, SHE SAID; BEING HURT OVER AND OVER AGAIN.YOU KNOW FINDING A GOOD WOMAN AFTER SHE’S BEEN WITH BAD MEN WAS NOT EASY.AFTER MUCH CONSIDERATION SHE DECIDED THAT THIS YOUNG MAN WHO WAS BY HER SIDE IN HER WEAK MOMENTS DESRVED MORE THAN A HAND OF FRIENDSHIP AND SHE HAD GROWN TO LOVE HIM ANYWAY.
THEN SHE LOST IT! I MEAN THEN SHE SLEPT WITH HIM AND WEEKS LATER HER INSTINCTS OF ANOTHER WOMAN STARTED GROWING AND GROWING. THEN ONE DAY SHE FOUND A VIDEO OF ANOTHER WOMAN ON HIS BED CHATTING HEARTLY.SHE WAS SO DUMBFUNDED HER PANIC ONLY CAME HOURS LATER!
HER PRINCE CHARMING WHO SHE ALREADY HAD COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS WITH WAS NOT REMORSEFUL; TO HIM SHE SHOULDN’T HAVE FIGGITTED WITH THE PHONE IN THE FIRST PLACE AND RE-ITERATED THAT WHAT SHE SAW WAS IRRELEVANT. FOR HER, THE WHOLE THING STARTED AFTER SHE SLEPT WITH HIM!HE MADE HER FEEL SHE HAD GIVEN IT AWAY TOO SOON AND FELT SHE HAD LOST HER GRIP ON THE MAN SHE LOVED AFTER SLEEPING WITH HIM! NOW THAT WAS HER IMPRESSION REALLY AND I DON’T WANT TO JUDGE IF SHE WAS WRONG OR NOT.
BUT CUTTING THE LONG STORY SHORT, THINGS NEVER SEEMED RIGHT; SHE FELT THE RELATIONSHIP GROWING APART, SHE DESCRIBED THEIR DATES FROM THEN ON AS AN EFFORT FROM HER RATHER AND NOT HIM AND WHEN THEY WERE TOGETHER, IT WAS AS THOUGH THEY WERE FAR APART AND IT TORE HER APART BECAUSE REALLY THE SITUATION MADE HER PARANOID AND PASSING JUDGEMENTS WHICH I BELIEVE ALSO CREATED AN IMPRESSION(NEGETIVE) ON THE MAN……
WELL THE RELATIONSHIP IS STILL STRIVING.

FOR YOU MY REAADER AND FOR ME, THE QUESTION WOULD BE:

• WHEN DO WE SAY WE HAVE LOST IT ESPECIALLY IN A RELATIONSHIP?

• IS AFTER SLEEPING WITH OUR PARTNERS?

• DO YOU SPOIL ANYTHING AT ALL IF YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR PARTNER WHOM YOU AREN’T MARRIED TO?

• WHAT IS IT WITH THE GLORIFICATION OF VIRGINITY?

REPLY TO MY BLOG READER

I HAD AN INTRESTING CHAT ON THE INTERNET WITH AN AQUINTANCE, AFTER READING MY BLOG POST TITLED “DEAL WITH IT”!
I HAD RE-WRITTEN HER HURT! APPARENTLY, HER BOYFRIEND WROTE HER A SIMILAR LETTER! THOUGH HE WAS MORE APOLOGETIC, THE GUY WAS DUMPING HER PERIOD! AND THOUGH SHE’S ABOUT TO DATE SOMEONE ELSE NOW (she still hasn’t made up her mind) THERE WERE LITTLE THINGS THAT GOT HER PARANIOD AND AS SUCH THROW ISSUES OUT OF PROPORTION ESPECIALLY WITH THIS NEW GUY WHOS SHOWN INTREST IN DATING HER.
FOR HER, IT WASN’T EASY LETTING GO AND IT WASN’T AS THOUGH SHE DIDN’T KNOW IT WOULD BE FOR HER OWN GOOD, THING IS ALL ALONG SHE ACTUALLY THOUGHT SHE HAD.(DENIAL&SURVIVOR ATTITUDE).
SHE SAID MY COMMENTS AFTER THE LETTER WAS AS THOUGH I HAD NEVER BEEN BROKEN HEARTED; THEN I TOLD HER THIS STORY AFTER MINUTES OF BEING HESITANT.
I HAVE BEEN THERE BEFORE! BROKEN HEARTED? I HAVE! HAD HEARTBREAKS THAT HAD TO BE MENDED THE HARD WAY?(quite frankly for a carefully sculptured person like myself, I have had it coming in my growing years) AND THAT’S WHY I CAN TALK ABOUT EVEN WITH A LITTLE CYNISM! (OH BY THE WAY, I LOVE CYNICISM& IT’S MY WAY OF MOCKEREY)
MY STORY,
I FELL INLOVE WITH SOMEONE AND MUCH AS I TRIED TO FIGHT THE FEELING, IT JUST WON’T GO AWAY. WE WERE FRIENDS AND THERE WERE THOSE SUBTLE SIGNS THAT WOULD MAKE A GIRL GIGGLE KNOWING AND THEN WHEN WE COULDN’T KID OURSELVES ANYMORE….hmmm IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
THE BEAUTY WAS IN HOW OUR SPONTENUITY WAS NSYNC!
HOW WE OR EVEN I COULD BE UPSET ABOUT NOT RECEIVING LOVE CALLS AND YET EVERY ANGER JUST VANISHED WHEN WE MET! (Truth be told; I find it difficult getting angry with the people I care about).
WE WERE FRIENDS AND I WASN’T BOTHERED ABOUT THE OVER POSSESIVE MOMENTS WHICH GAVE WAY TO IRRATIONAL BEHAVIOUR AND SUBSEQUENTLY AN ARGUMENT OVER NOTHING REALLY (AND OH I DID MOST OF THE IRRATIONAL BEHAVIOUR BUT HIS WAS OF A MORE FEARFUL ECOUNTER WHEN HIS MADNESS TOOK OVER HIM) BUT WHEN WE MADE UP, WE WERE THE BEST OF FRIENDS!
TALKING SILLY ANYTIME WE GOT THE CHANCE, CHASING EACH OTHER IN THE COMPOUND BY THE ROAD SIDE, WE MADE USE OF EVERY SPACE WE GOT.
BEAUTIFUL HUH? WE WERE BOTH QUITE PRIVATE PEOPLE SO INTRODUCTIONS TO OUR FOLKS TOOK TIME (much to my disappointment).
THE POSSESIVENES NOW WASN’T AN ISSUE IN PASSING! BUT NOW IT HAD BECOME MORE SERIOUS AND I GOT REALLY UNHAPPY! TILL A TIME WHEN I COULDN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
THEN CAME THE LETTER WHICH FINALLY TORE THE WEAK STRAW I TRIED CLINGING ON TO HOPING THAT THINGS WOULD GET BETTER.
IMAGINE? HIM BREAKING UP WITH ME? WHEN HE WAS THE ONE WITH THE OBNOXIOUS CHARACTER.
TRUST ME; IT WAS MORE CYNICAL AND ENRAGING! SO YOU SEE, I HAVE HAD MY FIAR SHARE J OF “THE NONSENSE OF HEARTBREAKS AND CRYING SILLY FOR HOURS WHILES OTHERS ARE SLEEPING PROBABLY DREAMING OF CANAAN)
I LIVED MY LIFE ANGRY, EMBITTERED, AND BLAMING MYSELF AND AS A RESULT I GUESS I HURT EVERY NICK&TOM WHO CAME MY WAY WITH MY EXCESSIVE JELOUSY, SUSPICIONS AND PARANIOA. AND IF
AM GRATEFUL THAT I LET GO(hm please don’t ask me that when you see me; trust me it gets a little confusing sometimes if I have)BUT SEE WHAT IT TOOK ME? EVEN HURTING MYSELF IN THE PROCESS.IF EVENTUALLY I GAVE IN TO “SOME TOM OR DICK”I WAS MORE OF INSPECTOR BEDIAKO AND CSI AND EVEN CONFUSED AS TO WHETHER THE PERSON TRULY LOVED ME OR JUST LUSTED AFTER ME.
IT’S A HARD ROAD AND AN EMOTIONAL CHOICE WE ALL MAKE AND I HAVE HAD THE FAIR SHARE OF BREAKUPS AND GETTING IT WRONG AND MY DEEPEST REGRETS IS THAT PART OF ME I THINK, STILL LIVES THE HURT AND
I UNCONSCIOUSLY HURT ONE PERSON I LOVED DEARLY, TO BITS ACTUALLY BUT WELL THAT IS A CROSS I CARRY AND THAT IS SOMETHING I SOUGHT TO MAKE RIGHT EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE……
SO MY DEAR READER WHO WROTE TO ME, I CAN CHOOSE TO BE CYNIC. I HAVE BEEN THERE AND I AM LIVING IT…THE REST IS FOR YOU TO FIGURE OUT, LIFE IS BUT A STORY BEING TOLD AND A PROCESS…

I AM STILL LEARNING……

REPLY TO MY BLOG READER

I HAD AN INTRESTING CHAT ON THE INTERNET WITH AN AQUINTANCE, AFTER READING MY BLOG POST TITLED “DEAL WITH IT”!
I HAD RE-WRITTEN HER HURT! APPARENTLY, HER BOYFRIEND WROTE HER A SIMILAR LETTER! THOUGH HE WAS MORE APOLOGETIC, THE GUY WAS DUMPING HER PERIOD! AND THOUGH SHE’S ABOUT TO DATE SOMEONE ELSE NOW (she still hasn’t made up her mind) THERE WERE LITTLE THINGS THAT GOT HER PARANIOD AND AS SUCH THROW ISSUES OUT OF PROPORTION ESPECIALLY WITH THIS NEW GUY WHOS SHOWN INTREST IN DATING HER.
FOR HER, IT WASN’T EASY LETTING GO AND IT WASN’T AS THOUGH SHE DIDN’T KNOW IT WOULD BE FOR HER OWN GOOD, THING IS ALL ALONG SHE ACTUALLY THOUGHT SHE HAD.(DENIAL&SURVIVOR ATTITUDE).
SHE SAID MY COMMENTS AFTER THE LETTER WAS AS THOUGH I HAD NEVER BEEN BROKEN HEARTED; THEN I TOLD HER THIS STORY AFTER MINUTES OF BEING HESITANT.
I HAVE BEEN THERE BEFORE! BROKEN HEARTED? I HAVE! HAD HEARTBREAKS THAT HAD TO BE MENDED THE HARD WAY?(quite frankly for a carefully sculptured person like myself, I have had it coming in my growing years) AND THAT’S WHY I CAN TALK ABOUT EVEN WITH A LITTLE CYNISM! (OH BY THE WAY, I LOVE CYNICISM& IT’S MY WAY OF MOCKEREY)
MY STORY,
I FELL INLOVE WITH SOMEONE AND MUCH AS I TRIED TO FIGHT THE FEELING, IT JUST WON’T GO AWAY. WE WERE FRIENDS AND THERE WERE THOSE SUBTLE SIGNS THAT WOULD MAKE A GIRL GIGGLE KNOWING AND THEN WHEN WE COULDN’T KID OURSELVES ANYMORE….hmmm IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
THE BEAUTY WAS IN HOW OUR SPONTENUITY WAS NSYNC!
HOW WE OR EVEN I COULD BE UPSET ABOUT NOT RECEIVING LOVE CALLS AND YET EVERY ANGER JUST VANISHED WHEN WE MET! (Truth be told; I find it difficult getting angry with the people I care about).
WE WERE FRIENDS AND I WASN’T BOTHERED ABOUT THE OVER POSSESIVE MOMENTS WHICH GAVE WAY TO IRRATIONAL BEHAVIOUR AND SUBSEQUENTLY AN ARGUMENT OVER NOTHING REALLY (AND OH I DID MOST OF THE IRRATIONAL BEHAVIOUR BUT HIS WAS OF A MORE FEARFUL ECOUNTER WHEN HIS MADNESS TOOK OVER HIM) BUT WHEN WE MADE UP, WE WERE THE BEST OF FRIENDS!
TALKING SILLY ANYTIME WE GOT THE CHANCE, CHASING EACH OTHER IN THE COMPOUND BY THE ROAD SIDE, WE MADE USE OF EVERY SPACE WE GOT.
BEAUTIFUL HUH? WE WERE BOTH QUITE PRIVATE PEOPLE SO INTRODUCTIONS TO OUR FOLKS TOOK TIME (much to my disappointment).
THE POSSESIVENES NOW WASN’T AN ISSUE IN PASSING! BUT NOW IT HAD BECOME MORE SERIOUS AND I GOT REALLY UNHAPPY! TILL A TIME WHEN I COULDN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.
THEN CAME THE LETTER WHICH FINALLY TORE THE WEAK STRAW I TRIED CLINGING ON TO HOPING THAT THINGS WOULD GET BETTER.
IMAGINE? HIM BREAKING UP WITH ME? WHEN HE WAS THE ONE WITH THE OBNOXIOUS CHARACTER.
TRUST ME; IT WAS MORE CYNICAL AND ENRAGING! SO YOU SEE, I HAVE HAD MY FIAR SHARE J OF “THE NONSENSE OF HEARTBREAKS AND CRYING SILLY FOR HOURS WHILES OTHERS ARE SLEEPING PROBABLY DREAMING OF CANAAN)
I LIVED MY LIFE ANGRY, EMBITTERED, AND BLAMING MYSELF AND AS A RESULT I GUESS I HURT EVERY NICK&TOM WHO CAME MY WAY WITH MY EXCESSIVE JELOUSY, SUSPICIONS AND PARANIOA. AND IF
AM GRATEFUL THAT I LET GO(hm please don’t ask me that when you see me; trust me it gets a little confusing sometimes if I have)BUT SEE WHAT IT TOOK ME? EVEN HURTING MYSELF IN THE PROCESS.IF EVENTUALLY I GAVE IN TO “SOME TOM OR DICK”I WAS MORE OF INSPECTOR BEDIAKO AND CSI AND EVEN CONFUSED AS TO WHETHER THE PERSON TRULY LOVED ME OR JUST LUSTED AFTER ME.
IT’S A HARD ROAD AND AN EMOTIONAL CHOICE WE ALL MAKE AND I HAVE HAD THE FAIR SHARE OF BREAKUPS AND GETTING IT WRONG AND MY DEEPEST REGRETS IS THAT PART OF ME I THINK, STILL LIVES THE HURT AND
I UNCONSCIOUSLY HURT ONE PERSON I LOVED DEARLY, TO BITS ACTUALLY BUT WELL THAT IS A CROSS I CARRY AND THAT IS SOMETHING I SOUGHT TO MAKE RIGHT EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE……
SO MY DEAR READER WHO WROTE TO ME, I CAN CHOOSE TO BE CYNIC. I HAVE BEEN THERE AND I AM LIVING IT…THE REST IS FOR YOU TO FIGURE OUT, LIFE IS BUT A STORY BEING TOLD AND A PROCESS…

I AM STILL LEARNING……

THE OLIVER TWIST NEVER HAVE ENOUGH SYNDROME

EVER HAD THAT MOMENT OF EMPTINESS?
EVER HAD THAT EMPTY MOMENT WHEN YOU ARE SO SURE YOU HAVE FOUND MR RIGHT OR MS RIGHT, YET THE LIGHTNESS JUST WON’T GO AWAY?
ANYONE?
WELL, I HAVE HAD THAT FEELING BEFORE AND TRUST ME IF YOU ARE SOMEONE LIKE ME WHO FIGHTS TO SELF TO ACKNOWLEDGE FALLING INLOVE AND THEN DOES THAT WHOLE-HEARTEDLY, THEN YOU ARE IN TROUBLE!
NOW HOLD ON! I NEVER SAID THE SITUATION IS DEAD BAD, IF YOU HAVE HAD THAT FEELING BEFORE, IT MAY ONLY MEAN YOU MAY BE “DEEP”.
THE THING IS, THAT FEELING IS NOT SYNANYMOUS TO JUST “THE THING CALLED LOVE”, BUT APPLICABLE TO REAL LIFE ISSUES, ISSUES THAT MAY AFFECT US EMOTIONALLY AND WHICH CAN TRANSCEND TO YOUR PERSONALITY OUTPUT OR RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHERS AND EVEN WORK.
OK SO BY NOW I KNOW YOU ARE PRE-EMPTING MY NEXT LINE, WHY THIS PIECE? WELL LET ME PLAY TO YOUR GALARY THEN.
I FOUND A VERY DISTURBING LETTER IN MY INBOX, CONTAINED IN THE LETTER WAS THE WORDS OF A CONFUSED WOMAN SO TO SPEAK.
HER LIMBO? EMPTINESS! GREY AS SHE CALLED HERSELF; DESCRIBED IN THE BEGINNING OF THE LETTER A “FAIRY TALE MAN” FOR A BOYFRIEND!
THE GUY WAS SPOTLESS (OR SO SHE THOUGHT) LOVING (WHICH NOW I SURMISED FROM HER LETTER SHE WASN’T EVEN SURE OF) CARING, PATIENT, ENDERING, FUN WHEN IT PLEASED HIM BUT ECCENTRIC AND THAT WAS ONE OF THE THINGS SHE LOVED ABOUT HIM.GREY SAID IT TOOK HER QUITE A WHILE TO WARM UP TO HIM, BEING A VICTIM OF HEARTBREAKS SHE GAURDED HERSELF AND EMOTIONS FROM ANY “TROUBLE”.
WELL, FINALLY SHE GAVE IN TO HER EMOTIONS AND IN HER OWN WORDS “IT WAS SO GOOD IN BEING TRUE” AND SHE WANTED ALL THE TIME WITH HIM (ok if you are a guy reading this, u are at this point permitted to roll your eyes) EVERYTHING WENT ON SO FAST, SHE JUST COULDN’T STOP THEM FROM HAPPENING (I became psychic here knowing where this part meant).
GREY NOW TALKED ABOUT HER ACTUAL LIMBO “IT STRUCK ME THAT YES HE PROFESSED LOVE TO ME AND I DID SAME BUT WAIT! FROM THAT MOMENT ON NOTHING WAS DEFINED? IF IT WAS A RELATIONSHIP OR NOT? OR TO WHAT END WAS WHAT THEY WERE DOING”.
ACCORDING TO GREY HER “SPOTLESS MAN” ALWAYS WENT PHILOSOPHICAL ON HER ANYTIME SHE ASKED “SO WHAT ARE? WHAT IS IT? A RELATIONSHIP? WHAT? WHEN DO I GET TO MEET YOUR SO FOND OF BROTHERS?”
NOW SHE ACTUALLY FEELS STRONGLY HE HAS SOMEONE SOMEWHERE, OTHERWISE WHY WOULD HE NOT BE CERTAIN OF WHAT HE WANTS WITH HER! “WORRIED, SCARED, FEELING STUPID THAT HIM OF ALL PEOPLE WOULD TAKE ME FOR GRANTED, AM DIENG INSIDE BECAUSE JUST THE THOUGHT OF HIM (MR SPOTLESS) TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME OR TAKING ME FOR GRANTED GIVES ME SLEEPLESS WINK.
“ITS DIFFIDCULT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR ME, BUT I HAVE READ THE BLOGS AND THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE PRESENTED A SHOW RELATED TO MATTERS OF THE HEART AND I JUST WANT YOU TO BE CANDID WITH ME, WHETHER YOU ARE A MAN OR WOMAN”….. AM I BEING REALOR BEING OLIVER TWIST?”
MY OPNION? I DO NOT HAVE ONE… QUITE FRANKLY I CANNOT TELL IF HE IS SEING SOMEONE ELSE APART FORM YOU GREY?
I CANNOT BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND HIS INTENTIONS OR MAYBE YOU NEVER WENT INTO DETAILS BUT SEEMS TO ME DESPITE ALL YOUR FEARS YOU DON’T WANT TO LOOSE HIM? (OBVIOUSLY) AND YOU LOVE HIM, EVEN MORE THAN YOU KNOW OR WANT TO ADMIT! AND THAT MAKES WORDS DIFFICULT TO WRITE.
I ASK GREY… “WHICH PART HURTS MORE? THE FACT THAT YOU DON’T KNOW HIS INTENTIONS? OR THAT YOU DON’T THINK IT’S NORMAL TO JUST “GO WITH THE FLOW” (so to speak) AND MOST IMPORTANTLY HAVE YOU TRIED TALKING TO “MR SPOTLESS?”
I MAY HAVE QUITE A NUMBER OF QUESTIONS BUT FOR ME I THINK THESE ARE THE CLOSSEST TO ASK NOW…
NOW TO THE ISSUE, COULD GREY BE HAVING “THE NEVER ENOUGH SYND ROME?” OR IS SHE JUST BEING OLIVER TWIST? THAT’S MY QUESTION TO YOU READING.
FOR ME; I THINK WE ALWAYS DO! WE HUMANS TALK OF THE CHARACTER OLIVER TWIST IN PASSING BUT INFACT OLIVER TWIST CAN BE LIKENED TO US. IN MASLOWS HEIRACHY OF NEEDS, MAN CAN NEVER REACH SELF ACTUALIZATION AND THIS IS TO MEAN EVEN WHEN ONE REACHES THE HIGHEST POINT AS PER DEFINED BY THE ABRAHAM MASLOW’S HIERACHY; ONE STILL YEARNS FOR MORE AND THEN IN ESSENCE HITS THE “LIMBO BUTTON” OF GOING UP! UP! OR STAYING JUST UP!” (Reaching the highest pedigree what would FORMER UN SEC. GEN. & proud son of Ghana Kofi Annan do? Or which part of the hierarchy ladder does he climb now?)
I HOPE AM MAKING SENSE? GREY’S LETTER PUT ME INTO THE QUESTIONING MOOD AND I ASKED AMONG OTHER THINGS IF “THE NEVER HAVE ENOUGH SYNDROME” TRANSCENDS TO EVERYONE, SOME FEW OR JUST GREY?
WE ALL HAVE DESIRES AND INDEED SOME NEVER GET THEIR DESIRES FULFILLED FOR VARIOUS REASONS BUT WHERE THEN DO WE DRAW THE LINE BETWEEN “BEING OLIVER TWIST AND BEING PLAIN GREEDY? OR BEING INSPIRED AND BEING GREEN-EYED WITH ENVY?
WHERE DO YOU DRAW THE LINE?
WHERE DO I DRAW THE LINE?
AND IS GREY BEING JUST A WOMAN OR JUST HUMAN?
THINK ABOUT IT….
YOU MIGHT JUST BE TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF?
…. I’LL BE BACK AND THEN WE TALK ABOUT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN!
(Oh I haven’t forgotten people THERE WILL BE PART TWO OF LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX” SOON)
……a bientot

LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX!

LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX.


WHAT?! OOOh please! Did I say something wrong?
Did I say something YOU HAVEN’T DONE BEFORE? lol
Now you are talking, BRING IT ON PEOPLE!
LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX!
My high-tech PDA phone is a year old since I got it as a gift…
A year on, I still haven’t figured out the phone! It’s still complex.
Now on one of the days when I was dying of boredom; I picked up the phone and then “PRESTO”!
I was utterly amazed at what I saw and what I had to go through to uncover the pictures before my eyes, I couldn’t believe I had to even use phone codes which was also somewhere on the phone to open this folder!
Enough with the suspense, what actually attracted my curiosity antenna to the folder had to do with the title of the folder:
THE ART OF POSITIONS! 
Yeah! You are green-eyed already …..
Still pictures of SEXUAL POSITIONS!
This actually inspired this piece, LETS TALK ABOUT SEX!
Tell me your favorite sexual positions and I would give you a full detail and even go on to tell you about it s health implications, pleasures and pros and cons.
The missionary, the rider, supported the unconventional Tree position et al.
Trust me; there’s a lot where that came from. Why most of us find it difficult to talk about sex, its pleasures and displeasures; I would need a whole thesis to understand.
But really I am curious, how would you want your love night served?
• Studies have shown that good sex reliefs one of headaches, research has also proved that after good sex; Having sex once or twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A or IgA, which can protect you from getting colds and other infections.

• Reduced risk of heart disease: In a 2001 follow-up to the Queens University study mentioned above, researchers focused on cardiovascular health, their findings? That by having sex three or more times a week, men reduced their risk of heart attack or stroke by half.
Need I say more? Lol As I said “LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX”
I’ll let you in on a little bit of mine; has to be spontaneous& romantic, a kiss here, a caress there, nibbling of the nose here, a pinch there (ooh ouch) and wet soft kisses on the neck and a little sweet talk and then fore play can begin, mind you I really have to be into you? Oh else; all you would be up to no good!
I once co-hosted a television show where we discussed LOVE, CO-HABITATION, and PAIN& RELATIONSHIPS IN GENERAL and then on special days we talked exclusively about SEX! People were delighted, (besides their faces weren’t seen when they called), our fun base was enough stronghold for the creative content department we fell under (besides their faces weren’t seen when they called)
The men talked about penis enlargement and satisfying their partners to pre-mature ejaculation to oral sex hmmm, I’ll stop there!
The women, plenty! The fact that many never reached orgasm (some didn’t even know how it felt like to even tell if they ever had one), some talked generally of HOW UNROMANTIC MOST MEN WHERE (some said& I quote: They think SEX is just about sticking IT IN), heartbreaks of many forms and a whole lot but the show stopper for the ever growing audience was the “Kama sutra book” on SEXUAL POSTIONS!
Ok the aim really of this piece is to make you and I understand that there’s nothing wrong with talking about SEX in the open! YOU ENJOYED IT PLEASE SAY SO! YOU DIDN’T ENJOY IT! SAY SO! AND PLEASE STOP FAKING THE ORGASIM! (I know the men won’t know the difference between a fake orgasm and a real orgasm but come to think of it; who would you be fooling, when you don’t experience the cloud 9?)
And men, do you have to be that selfish even in the bedroom? When you “come”, you are done! Then you roll over and start snoring! No wonder most times the women just want to break your ego bubbles with “small penis accusations” and “no skill accusations” and all that.
I guess knowing your partner and what He/She likes does a lot of good but I still want to know yours….
So I invite you to tell me your favorite sex position and let’s discuss its pleasures if any!
Do women experience orgasm at all in their lifetime?
What is it with size?
Which would you choose; SIZE OR SKILLS?
What is it with the male ego and satisfying a woman?
What’s with the men and the “auto-pilot penis” or should I say “penis emancipation from the brain” ANY TIME A WOMAN SNUGGLES UP TO THE MAN TO BE CUDDLED?
And why is it for many men our expression of LOVE HAS TO BE SEX MOST OF THE TIME?

I’LL BE BACK  BUT FOR YOUR COMMENTS….

DEAL WITH IT!

DEAL WITH IT!


(A LETTER TO “ONCE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE”)

Dearest,

Surprised I am still calling you that? Well do not think of me BAD, do not think of me wicked; but I have to do this….
I might as well go straight to the point and stop getting confused myself as to where to start from.
I know by now the female instinct in you has figured it out already…
I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE! THIS RELATIONSHIP WOULD HURT US, MORE ESPECIALLY YOU.
Stop trying too hard to solve a problem that has ONLY ONE SOLUTION!
I wouldn’t say let’s breakup for a while, frankly I think that is mockery of each other when both partners know it would only take “some divine eye” to make that happen.
We need this breakup, well I NEED THIS BREAKUP!
DO NOT CRY OVER ME, AM DEFINITELY NOT DEAD YET!
DO NOT CURSE ME; GOD KNOWS I AM DOING YOU AND MYSELF THE FAVOUR!
RATHER, A LITTLE GRATIFICATION AFTER THE HURT BECAUSE I WASN’T A HYPOCRATE!
I AM JUST NOT INTO YOU ANYMORE! TRY DEALING WITH IT!
I AM DEALING WITH IT!
…..used to love you Brain Turff

Interesting letter huh? My favorite part? DEAL WITH IT!
My question (as u know by now I like to ask questions) is really HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH IT?
Forget the “by the author/book prescription” of DEALING WITH IT! Truth be told some of us both male and female never DEAL WITH IT, we rather condition our minds that “oh yes, we are better off without the heartbreakers.
And indeed We are better off without them, that’s for sure but WE ARE ALSO BETTER OFF DEALING WITH THOSE EMOTIONS RATHER THAN SHOVING IT OFF ON THE DENIAL SHELF thinking and singing “AM A SURVIVOR”.
OH YES! YOU WOULD SURVIVE AT LEAST FOR A WHILE AND THEN BREAK DOWN AGAIN! What name then do u give to that? Because you would have lost the “destiny’s child lead singer for that song; I AM A SURVIVOR lol.
Ok no teasing, but seriously, cast your mind back and ask yourselves as you read this “DID I EVER DEAL WITH IT?”
I think we hardly do, I DARE SAY WE NEVER DO DEAL WITH IT!
Rather we walk around with the am a survivor attitude and hurt the next man or woman who comes our way without even giving them the chance to do right by US. Thing is we are TOO EMBITTERED!
YES SHE LEFT YOU! AND OFCOURSE HE LEFT YOU! DEAL WITH IT. CONFRONT YOUR PAIN, CRY IF YOU HAVE TO (suicide would mean he or she was so right to have left you TRUST ME!).
HAVE SEX IF YOU HAVE TO (Lord knows we humans have different ways of letting off steam)
But after the tears, like the rain or the storm; the SUN WOULD NEVER STAY HIDDEN IN THE CLOUDS!
Then FORGIVE YOURSELVE, BECAUSE SURELY AT A CERTAIN STAGE OF DEALING WITH IT YOU PLAY THE BLAME GAME!
FORGIVE YOURSELVE, YOU WON’T BE THE LAST TO BE DUMPED that’s for sure.
For me; I think FORGIVING YOURSELVE IS PARAMOUNT! THEN DEAL WITH THE FACT OF BEING LONELY ONLY BUT FOR SOMETIME AND INDULGE WITH FRIENDS!
I AM NOT PRESCRIBING ANYTHING…
ALL I AM SAYING IS THAT “YES HE LEFT YOU! YES SHE DUMPED YOU”, YOU WON’T BE THE LAST!
AND SWEETY; STOP BEING A WHIMP YOUR LIFETIME.
DEAL WITH IT!
TELL ME AM LYING… 

IS IS IT SEX OR MAKING LOVE?

IS IT SEX OR MAKING LOVE?
Why I am talking about this at all? Hmm, for sometime I have asked myself which one it is (seriously I get confused too (trust me it’s amazing how we all get confused at the least stuff).
Any way what prompted even more this is a conversation I eavesdropped a week ago between A woman and her confused partner who even made things worse for himself with his Ignorance in a female argument! And it’s as follows:
Girl-“Aaaah? You are not romantic at all? What is the SEX WAS GOOD? You make it sound like there were no emotions attached to it!”
Guy- “What? But we had sex didn’t we?”
Girl – “Am disappointed in you Frank! I thought you were that romantic and kind with words? What happened to you?(ok seriously let me sound a little cynical here… the guy is just being a man? Since when did men stop being men? Like it or not even in their 50’s THEY ARE STILL BOYS! CUT HIM SOME SLACK RIGHT?)
Guy – “Me? What did I do now? We had SEX! By the way how am I supposed to say it? It was sexual intercourse we had right?”
Girl – “You know what? Forget it, its endless talking to you about this, but just so you know; I thought of you better than this….
Then came the silence that follows when there’s being an unsatisfactory argument, I knew then that this Issue wasn’t over. And am sure the guy knew that.
Now to my confusion! Which is it SEX? MAKING LOVE? OR WHAT IS IT, SEXUAL INTERCOURSE?
Now the English dictionary has definitions for all of this BUT FOR MAKING LOVE! Hmmm should be disappointed too? I mean the fact that MAKING LOVE (the preferred word) is not featured in the dictionary?
So people help me OUT HERE OR AM SURE I’LL ALSO GET ANGRY (like the young lady did in the conversation earlier.)
Ok, so I have thrown the invitation! “WHO IS THE SEXOLOGIST? Please put down your thoughts and help all the confused people (INCLUDING MYSELF I MUST ADD)
Why do the women want to hear “MAKE LOVE” rather than jus “SEX”? And WHY IN THE WORLD CAN’T THE MEN JUST GET THE DRIFT? For crying out loud that’s what the women want to hear!
Case and Point, tell them what they want to hear and have some peace of mind (are men oblivious or new to the saying, “if you can’t beat them; join them?)
I was chatting on facebook recently when I asked a male acquaintance the same question and hmmm don’t ask me-CONFUSION OVER WHICH IS RIGHT.
Another male acquaintance also gave pretty interesting comments, He said one (SEX) would be for exercise, and the other (obviously making love) is for procreation.
Interesting comments but hmm really isn’t it the same thing? In the process of “exercising, there’s procreation abi? Hmmmm
What a world, eh? With all the troubles we go through daily this one too make wahala!


Anyway, join the “confusion”… :)

WHICH IS MORE BEAUTIFUL?LOVE? OR YOU?

Which is more beautiful? LOVE OR YOU?
What is more precious? LOVE OR YOU?
I ask these questions mainly because people and suffice me to say women place too much premium on LOVE rather than on ourselves and end up hurting...
tell you what? LOVE'S confusing enough; if you the individual is confused about how much value you place or would place on yourself; please try staying clear of LOVE! And that's my OPINION THANK YOU.
I read from one Anna Louise Strong that "To fall in love is easy; even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be"
Interesting isn’t it? What is even more interesting is the fact that many of us upon reading this may allude to that fact….Falling in love is that easy, but finding THAT PERSON; A PARTNER, A FRIEND, A COMPANIOIN, A COMRADE? “Niger person would say: It’s not izzy ooo”. And let’s face it people finding THAT PERSON? Is the most difficult and I dare say that most of the time We just settle for the appreciated quantum and well it’s quite understandable especially for the women who have their biological clock to think about with the tick of the second clock.
My point here people so that I do not go round in circles and end up confusing myself and you as well is simply really If you have issues placing premium on yourself you probably would translate this confusion to even your choice of a partner and even on the subject LOVE.
Many books from the Shakespeare’s, The Nora Roberts, and Sydney Sheldon’s, Jackie Collins; name them. All these writers agree beyond reasonable doubt that LOVE is a beautiful thing, maybe they should also underline the fact that Without LOVING YOURSELF, WITHOUT PLACING VALUE ON WHO YOU ARE, YOU WOULD BE LEAD TO ONE WHO EQUALLY WOULD PLACE NO VALUE ON YOU.
SO; AFTER READING THIS PIECE (not very interesting I know) ASK YOURSELF AGAIN, WHICH IS MORE BEAUTIFUL?
LOVE? OR YOU?

A WOMANS' BODY, A WOMANS' CHOICE

A WOMANS BODY, A WOMANS CHOICE?
Is that a question or I seek to answer the question myself? Or is it that I am re-echoing my confusing?
Ok, here’s the thing, I do have a thing or two on my mind.
A Woman’s Body, A Woman’s Choice and really that’s the saying though these days it seems to have changed to “A Woman’s Body, A Man’s Choice”
Sordid! If you ask me;What happened to EMANCIPATION?(not just of the black race) but of
WOMAN!?
Who is it that sang “THIS IS A MAN’S WORLD”?”
Please return and sing “A WOMAN MAKES THIS WORLD A MAN’S WORLD” OR IS IT “A WOMAN QUALIFIES THIS WORLD AS A MAN’S.
SEXISM, RAPE, PORNOGRAPHY, BAREBREAST AND “BOOTY” DISPLAY IN PUBLIC AND ON MUSIC VIDEOS?
DO WOMEN CONTRIBUTE TO THE DEMINISHING “DEMEANOR” OR WE ARE JUST BEING EXPRESSIVE?
BUT REALLY IN ALL THIS CONFUSION I STILL THIS CONFUSION; I STILL MAINTAIN THAT THE SAYING SHOULD BE “A WOMANS’ BODY, A WOMANS’ CHOICE! AND LIKE IT OR NOT A WOMAN MAKES THE MAN (so imagine if there no women in this world? Companionship, love, PROCREATION?)
CASE AND POINT THERE WOULD NOT BE ANY BEINGS TO DISPLAY THE BOYSTEROUSNESS AND EGO TO; IT WOULD BE UTTERLY BE BORING IF MEN DID THAT TO THEMSELVES.WHO WOULD MAKE THEM FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT ANYWAY? IT WOULD BE ALL RIGID …
SOOOO, OK LET ME LAY MY CARDS BARE ON THE TABLE BEFORE I CONFUSE YOU AND MYSELF IN THE PROCESS…
CAN’T THERE BE SEXISM IN SANITY?(and don’t make the mistake of asking me what that is, you get a long speech lol).
CAN’T WE HAVE WOMEN MAKING THE CHOICE OF KEEPING A BABY OR NOT? WITHOUT HAVING TO GO THROUGH LEGISLATION WITH TWICE OR THRICE A DOZEN OF MEN AND TRICKLES OF WOMEN (I get puking symptoms when I see that)
CANT WE HAVE WOMEN THEMSELVES DECIDING I AM NOT READY TO GET MARRIED? WITHOUT HAVING THE FAMILY AND SOCIETY STICKING THEIR NECKS AND NOSES AROUND HER TO SNIFF HER AGE (that goes for every nation in the world and where it’s predominant).
WHY CANT WOMEN RELY ON THEMSELVES RATHER THAN BEING SO INDEPENDENT ON A MAN?
WHEN WOULD OUR WOMEN RELIASE THAT ONCE YOU PALCE NO VALUE ON YOURSELVE NO ONE WOULD PLACE VALUE ON YOU?
HMMMMM……A WOMANS’ BODY, A WOMANS’ CHOICE!STAND FOR IT……